The Third Woman by Makki Marseilles
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This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent
The wife is about 40 years old, slim, well-groomed, not particularly
attractive but smart. She is very narcissistic and extremely indolent.
It is early morning, she is at the breakfast table out on a terrace or
by a swimming pool or something. She is wearing a very expensive
dressing gown over a very flimsy negligee. She is munching a piece of
toast while she is pairing her nails. The husband is in his late
forties. He is well-groomed, smart and quite obviously successful. He
is a typical captain of industry. He is wearing success like an
after-shave lotion. He comes to the table in his shirtsleeves. He
sits, takes apiece of toast and hides himself behind the financial
section of the newspaper.
HE (behind the newspaper, more as a habit rather than a greeting)
Good morning, my dear!
(She looks up, doesn't answer. Pause)
SHE Robert?
HE (without looking up) Yes, dear?
SHE You didn't kiss me.
HE (absent-minded, still reading) Oh! I am sorry, my dear.
SHE (after a pause) Robert?
HE Hmm!
SHE You are neglecting me.
HE (toast suspended in the air) I paid the overdraft on your
account only yesterday.
SHE This is not about money, Robert.
HE Oh! What is it then?
SHE I don't think you care about me.
HE (puts paper down for the first time and looks at her) What are
you talking about. I am crazy about you.
SHE You have a funny way of showing it. Look at you. You come in,
you hardly say good morning, you don't kiss me like you used to, you
eat like a wolf and the only thing you're interested in is your
newspaper.
HE What is it darling? Did you crash the car?
SHE No, of course I didn't.
HE Do you want a new one?
SHE No, I don't. The one I've got is brand new and it suits me fine.
HE A holiday, you want a holiday.
SHE Don't be absurd Robert, I want your attention.
HE What?
SHE I want your attention.
HE Darling please, tell me what it is you want. I am rather busy
this morning. Hundreds of meetings…problems with patients…
SHE You see what I mean? The moment I want a little bit of your time
you have rather a lot of things to do. Well, I have rather a lot of
things to do. I've had enough. I can't put up with it any longer.
HE What is the matter?
SHE I want a divorce.
HE (he rather chokes in his coffee) What?
SHE You've heard me. I want a divorce.
HE You're not serious?
SHE I am very serious.
HE You are ill, you must see a doctor.
SHE Don't be absurd Robert, there is nothing the matter with me. I
just want a divorce.
HE I thought so! You are suffering from a terminal decease. Who is
your doctor?
SHE You are.
HE You must get a second opinion. I'll make an appointment for
you.
SHE Don't talk nonsense Robert. I don't want a medical
examination I want a divorce.
HE Why?
SHE Because you are unfaithful to me.
HE Is that all. I thought you said you were serious.
SHE I am. I've made up my mind.
HE Alright! How much do you want?
SHE Robert, put it in your….head, it is not about money!
HE What is it then?
SHE Well!.. Loyalty!
HE That's the least reason for divorce. You've been unfaithful
to me ever since we were married, I didn't ask for a divorce.
SHE That's different!
HE How?
SHE I am a woman!
HE What's that got to do with it?
SHE A woman in my position has to have a lover. Preferably younger
than herself. It's…expected. To have something to do when you are
away on business?
HE Hmm! I suppose so. Anyway, it's impossible, I am not divorcing you.
SHE Oh, Robert! Don't be a spoilsport. Why not?
HE Because I love you.
SHE What's that got to do with it?
HE Nothing I suppose, but I am still not divorcing you.
SHE Why not?
HE Darling, have you ever thought about the sort of upheaval a
divorce will bring to our life, to your life mainly. Think about it!
Lawyers, depositions, court appearances, witnesses, publicity,
actuaries, settlements, chaos. We do not have time for this sort of
thing. I am too busy at the practice and you are too busy with your…
charity work.
SHE I suppose you're right. What's the alternative then?
HE Leave well alone.
SHE I can't.
HE (irritated) Of course you can. Why not?
SHE It's so unfashionable being married these days. All my friends
are either divorced or living apart from their husbands. I feel like
the odd man out.
HE Don't be, I am told husbands are in again.
SHE Who said so?
HE W.O.N.DE.R.S!
SHE What is that?
HE Women On New Demanding Roles Society.
SHE Wow! They sound very clever!
HE They are.
SHE Oh, Robert, I am confused now.
HE Don't worry darling. Your mind will be as clear as a bell after
a day's shopping spree.
SHE Do you think so?
HE I know so. If that doesn't work try an hour or two at the hairdresser's.
(gets up, gives her a peck on the cheek and he makes to go)
SHE And if that doesn't work either?
HE Book an appointment for a facial just in case.
Bye darling, see you later.
SHE Robert?
HE Yes?
SHE There is something else I want to talk to you about.
HE Can't it wait until this evening?
SHE No.
HE Alright, what is it?
SHE If we are not divorcing, you must get rid of your girlfriend.
HE Now what kind of talk is this? Why?
SHE Because it is insulting to me.
HE Rubbish! All men at my age and social position have girlfriends.
It goes with the job.
SHE But you said you love me.
HE And so I do.
SHE What do you want a girlfriend for?
HE This is not the right time to discuss that, darling.
SHE I suppose so, but get rid of her.
HE Why?
SHE Mother said so.
HE Oh, I see. The mother in law!
SHE Don't get on your high horse about my mother. She is not the
only one. Figstein said so too.
HE He is a quack. I don't know why you don't go to a decent analyst.
SHE Don't be ridiculous, Robert! A decent analyst may find there
is something really wrong with me.
HE Why go to an analyst at all?
SHE He is very sweet. He makes me feel nice. He always compliments
me on my appearance and tells me what a perfectly balanced person I
am.
HE He says that to all his female clients.
SHE I don't care!
HE He wants to throw you in the sack.
SHE He has me on the couch, darling.
HE Did he try?
SHE Of course he did!
HE Well?
SHE I refused.
HE That's very decent of you. Why?
SHE I wouldn't want to spoil the doctor-patient relationship.
HE He ought to be struck from the register.
SHE Robert! You're jealous! Ah, how nice!
HE I bet he told you to ask for a divorce!
SHE He did! He said if I was free he would marry me.
HE And you believe him?
SHE No.
HE That's a relief! What else did he say?
SHE He said you ought to get rid of your girlfriend.
HE On what considered scientific question did he base his
diagnosis?
SHE He said I was so special, no man ought to even consider paying
attention to another woman. It sounded so romantic!
HE It's bullshit! You listen to him you end up in a mental hospital!
SHE Oh Robert, you are so cynical, so exasperating. You have an
answer for everything.
HE I know darling, that's why you love me! I must go now.
SHE Robert, be serious! We have to decide!
HE Unless I go now, I shall have to cancel several appointments. If
I keep on doing that the practice will fall apart and if that happens
your lifestyle will have to change. Now you don't want that to happen, do you?
SHE No, but it is important to make a decision.
HE What is this obsession about my girlfriend all of a sudden?
SHE It is not all of a sudden. I have been thinking about it for a
long time.
HE Have you?
SHE Yes, well, about a couple of days.
HE (sits down again) I am sorry, I didn't realise it was so serious.
SHE So you'll do it?
HE Do what?
SHE Get rid of her.
HE Get rid of her?
SHE Yes.
HE I can't.
SHE Don't be absurd, of course you can, you just don't want to.
HE No, no, I do want to, believe me, but I really can't.
SHE You want to?
HE Yes.
SHE Why?
HE I am fed up with her.
SHE Have you got someone else?
HE No.
SHE Then why?
HE I want to devote more time to you.
SHE Oh, how sweet! Robert, you're not getting sentimental are you?
HE No, of course not.
SHE But Robert, what about the poor girl, how will she take it?
HE I don't care how she'll take it.
SHE Don't be so heartless Robert!
HE Look, you said you wanted me to break it off with her.
SHE Yes, but I can't help feeling sorry for the poor girl.
HE Spare your sympathy, it can't be done.
SHE Why not?
HE Because it will cost me just as much to get rid of her as to
give you a divorce.
SHE Nonsense! You don't have to have a settlement with her. You
don't have to pay her alimony. Of course you must give her
something, you can't throw the poor girl out in the street, but all
the same…
HE No, no, that's not it. Do you remember when we set up the
practice we had to have some complicated system of companies, share-holdings,
secret accounts in Switzerland so as not to have to pay taxes? Well, she is
part of this very complicated network. At the time, it sounded like a good idea
but now I am not quite sure about it. Anyway, the point is, that even if I as
much as mention the word separation she can ruin me. Us. Because if I
am ruined, you'll be ruined. Understand?
SHE The bitch!
HE It's not her fault!
SHE Don't you defend her to my face! Is it not enough she is
stealing the love of my husband..
HE OK darling! Get down from your soap box.
SHE What's there to be done?
HE Nothing! We just have to grin and bear it.
SHE Oh, I am so cross! Just when I thought I had you cornered. Just
when I thought that this time you wouldn't be able to wriggle out of it.
There must be something that we can do.
ΗE There is, leave well alone.
SHE How can I? I promised mother I'd have an answer for her by the
end of the day.
HE Ring her up and tell her you didn't see me.
SHE She said not to ring unless I had an answer.
HE Then don't ring.
SHE I can't. She'll be on the phone nagging me for the rest of
the day.
HE Alright, I'll ring her.
SHE No.
HE Why not?
SHE She told me that if I told you and you rang her, she'd cut me
off without a penny.
HE But she is not worth a penny. She lives on the monthly allowance
I give her.
SHE That's not the point. With her it is a matter of principle.
HE I see. (He thinks) Look there may be a way.
SHE Might there?
HE You have to help.
SHE Oh darling, I'll do anything to help, you know that.
HE Don't say that until you know what it is.
SHE What is it?
HE Well,... if you were to ....kill her.
SHE (horrified) My mother?
HE No, my girlfriend.
SHE Oh my goodness! You scared me. Isn't that a little drastic?
HE It is but drastic situations demand drastic measures. Will you
do it?
SHE Sweetheart! I don't know anything about killing people.
HE It's not actually a recommended course at university.
SHE Why don't you do it? You're good at most things.
HE I have a motive. I'll be the first person they'll suspect.
It wouldn't do to draw any attention on me, on us.
SHE I have a motive too. Jealousy!
HE Yes, but you are a complete stranger to her. They will ask you
but you could claim you knew nothing about my infidelity. You will not
be suspected. Besides, I'll arrange for an alibi for you, just in case.
SHE You've thought of everything haven't you?
HE That's why you love me! (He gives her a peck on the cheek)
Now I must go. Bye!
SHE Bye! Darling, Mario said his credit card account has been
suspended.
HE I'll tell Margaret to transfer some money into it.
SHE No, darling, do it yourself. I don't want your secretary to
know you are financing my lover-boy.
HE You're right, we must keep up appearances.
SHE What shall I tell mother?
HE That's up to you. (He shoots at her with his fingers) Bye!
(He goes)
SHE Goodbye.
Scene Two
The other woman's apartment. It is lavishly furnished. A table for
two is set. Candlelight dinner. The woman is early 30's, tall, dark,
slim and very attractive. She is dressed in a low cut backless dress
that shows her physical qualifications to a great advantage. She is
also wearing silk stockings and high heel shoes. She is lighting the
candles the moment he comes through the door. He throws his briefcase
down, loosens his tie and takes her in his arms. They kiss
passionately.
HE Hmm! You taste beautifully!
SHE You haven't tasted my soufflé yet.
HE (kisses her again) I think I'll have a little more of this and
then go straight for afters.
[end of extract]
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