The Summer of '66 by Kathleen A Boluch
SCENE ONE: '68 WRKO BOSTON RADIO STATION [SIDE STAGE]
JINGLE (UP): Sixty-eight-double-u-R-K-Ohhhh! Boston!
WRKO BOSTON RADIO DJ: JJ Jeffries: And a crazy good morning to you,
you bright eyed and bushy tailed Bostonians! That's right! JJ
Jeffreys here, your DJ of the day, along with the lovely Carla
O'Claire
CARLA DJ (with HEAVY BOSTON ACCENT): Well of course thank you JJ,
it's a crazy good morning here in Boston
JJ: Craaaa-zy good!
CARLA: Time to start your summer tan with Coppertone!
JJ: Hear that? Time fo' yo' to be hitting the beach in your beach
buggy with your beach baby by your side, ain't that right Carla?
CARLA: Oh JJ you are so right baby! Away we go!
JJ: Slip on that swimsuit! It's the summer of sixty-six! And let's
get it going with the Beach Boys, "Do It Again!" (MUSIC UP "Do
It Again!")
[MAIN STAGE- BEACH ACTORS ENTER ONE BY ONE, ROGER, HARBORMASTER,
SURFER TEENS AND SCHOONER CLUB TEENS]
It's automatic when I/Talk with old friends/The conversation turns
to/Girls we knew when their/Hair was soft and long and the
Beach was the place to go/[DANCE ROUTINE BEGINS NOW] Suntanned bodies
and/Waves of sunshine the
California girls and a/Beautiful coastline/Warmed up weather/Let's get
together and Do it Again/C'mon now….
With a girl the lonely sea looks good in moonlight
Makes your nighttimes warm and out of sight/Been so long
(Hey now hey now hey now hey now hey now)
(Hey now hey now hey now hey now hey now)
Well I've been thinking 'bout
All the places we've surfed and danced and
All the faces we've missed so let's get
Back together and do it again… [BIG FINISH/APPLAUSE]
[CAST DRIFTS OFFSTAGE- ONLY ROGER's REMAINS ONSTAGE]
ENTER BIG KAHUNA, CARRYING SUITCASE &SURFBOARD &CRINKLED MAP - HE
APPEARS TO BE LOST, BUT GLANCING AT MAP, FINDS HIS WAY TO THE DOOR OF
A WEATHERBEATEN OLD SHACK NEXT DOOR TO THE SCHOONER CLUB. WITH A BIG
old KEY, HE UNLOCKS THE DOOR, POKES HIS HEAD IN, GRINS BACK AT THE
AUDIENCE, INDICATING HE LIKES IT. LEANS SURF BOARD AGAINST SHACK,
HANGS SIGN, "SURFING LESSONS $1" THEN SITS, PLEASED TO BE HOME AT
LAST.
ROGER the LIFEGUARD: [STANDING CLOSE NEARBY] Ahem.
BIG KAHUNA: Hey dude. [IGNORES ROGER]
ROGER: Can I help you?
BIG KAHUNA: [shakes head "no", grins, and shuts eyes soaking up
the sun]
ROGER: BLOWS LIFEGUARD WHISTLE
BIG KAHUNA: Hey! Why'd you do that, man? Peace. Like, you know,
peace, man. Peace! (makes peace sign w/ his fingers)
ROGER: I'm Roger, Senior executive Life guard. I'm in charge.
BIG KAHUNA: Well hey there man you sure are! I'm the Big Kahuna.
How's it going there, Dude?
ROGER: What'd you just call me?
BIG KAHUNA: Dude. Dude?
ROGER: What are you some kinda wise guy!!!!?
HARBORMASTER: Calm down Roger! Well hello there fella! You must be
from outta town?
BIG KAHUNA: Just got in from Santa Cruz, dude.
ROGER: He just called me doo! Like dog doo.
BIG KAHUNA: No no man! I called you Dude. Like, you know, you're a
dude, man.
HARBORMASTER: Oh I see what you're saying now buster, you're
saying yer from a dude ranch.
BIG KAHUNA: Ah well, no see- no—
ROGER: What's that? (points at surf board)
BIG KAHUNA: Oh that's my board. My surf board.
HARBORMASTER: 'Tis an ancient artifact of the Polynesians, it is.
Fine craftsmanship.
BIG KAHUNA: I made it myself.
ROGER: Well. You're not putting that thing in the water. Not on my
beach.
BIG KAHUNA: Oh but see man—that's what you do with a surf board.
You ride it. In the ocean.
ROGER: No kidding mister smarty pants—-
BIG KAHUNA: And this is my beach.
GARY: [STARING AT SURF BOARD] Hey! Wow! [ENTER] Hey dude!!
BIG KAHUNA: Dude! [THEY HIGH FIVE]
GARY: Look at your board, man! May I?
BIG KAHUNA: Sure dude. It's cool man. Take a look.
GARY: Cool. (TO HIS FRIENDS) Hey guys! C'mere, look!
KAREN: Cool. Wicked cool. It's wickedly cool!
EDDIE: Yeah! I want one! (PAUSE) What is it?
GARY: It's a surf board!
CAROLINE: It's beautiful. So sleek.
WANDA: Yeah yeah yeah, like doncha ever watch like on TV?..and like
that show "Gidget" and like the movie, "How to Stuff a Wild
Bikini" and like
PATTY: Ya know….Like TV Shows about surfing…
PAM: (all await her opinion) It's cool.
RHONDA: Pam says it's cool. So it's cool.
CAROLINE: It's cool but gee whiz I don't know- what if you fall
off…?
GARY: Hey. Don't worry baby. I'd save you!
ROGER: No, I'd save you Caroline! And besides, nobody's riding a
surfboard on my beach. [blows whistle]
GARY: Cut it out Roger. Put that away.
EDDIE: Before you choke on it.
ROGER: Listen you little twerp! [about to fight]
PAM: Stop! (all await her pronouncement) That's so not cool.
RHONDA: Pam says it's not cool!
KAREN: No it's not! It's wickedly un-cool.
HARBORMASTER: Well. Nobody's riding a surfboard right now.
PAM: Ya well nobody can it's low tide!
RHONDA: Yeah.
ROGER: No. Surfing. Allowed. Look at ya with your long hair. Ya
freaks.
WANDA: [RHONDA, PAM, PATTY &KAREN NODDING ALONG] Hey! You can't
deny his right to surf! It's our right! What about the Declaration
of Independence? And Habeus Corpus, man?
KAREN: Yeah!
Mrs. Mergatroid McMurphy: Quiet down children! Now what's going on
here!? What's this? (points at surf board)
ROGER: Hello Mrs. McMurphy (bows).
HARBORMASTER: Now Mergatroid, no need to concern yourself
Mrs. Mergatroid McMurphy: As President of the Schooner Club, it's my
duty. What is this disturbance? I'm hosting a fondue party at the
club!
HARBORMASTER: Quiet down- everybody! Settle down. (to Big Kahuna) Now.
Why don't you tell me who you are, son?
BIG KAHUNA: I'm the Big Kahuna!
[GIRLS SQUEAL WITH EXCITEMENT]
HARBORMASTER: Quiet! No. I want your real name, whippersnapper.
BIG KAHUNA: (gulps) Ok. Brian. Brian O'Shaunessy. Sir.
HARBORMASTER: And what brings you here, laddie.
BIG KAHUNA: Well, this is my Grandfather's land. He was born here.
Duff O'Shaunessy. He left me this property for my sixteenth
birthday. Here's the deed.
HARBORMASTER: (studies the paper) Looks official. Yessiree.
Mrs. McMurphy: Oh no no no no no! But can't be! The O'Shaunessy
property was abandoned! It belongs to the town!
HARBORMASTER: Not according to these documents. It's his.
ROGER: Well he still has to remove that surfboard!
Mrs. McMurphy: I say we burn it!
GARY: Geeze will ya chill?
HARBORMASTER: Now folks - this land belongs to Brian O'Shaunessy
or shall I say, the Big Kahuna's.
BIG KAHUNA: Outtasight!
HARBORMASTER: This is his land, all the way down to the water.
Mrs. McMurphy: I'm calling the zoning commission.
SURF KIDS: Cool!!! [drift off to examine surfboard, pantomiming,
drifting off stage]
[Preppie Schooner kids drift in, surround Mrs. McMurphy]
Mrs. McMurphy: This is nonsense!
CHAD: What's wrong Mrs. McMurphy?
Mrs. McMurphy: Oh Chad darling. We can't have a surfing hooligan
living next door to the Schooner Club!
BIFF: Of course not. I'll call Father. He'll take care of it.
Mrs. McMurphy: Oh thank goodness for you and your father Biff!
BARBARA ANN: Or we can call my Daddy.
MRS. MCMURPHY: Yes yes Barbara Ann! You're such a comfort. This
this surfing thing! It just isn't proper! Why I'm calling the selectmen!
(stumbles)I feel faint!
TAMMY: Have some iced tea?
BIFF: Or a martini?
Mrs. McMurphy: No - Not now children. (fans herself) I have bigger
fish to fry!
TINA: Oh please no- it's too hot to fry fish!
TAMMY: It's just a metaphor.
TINA: Ok-ay Tammy.
BARBARA ANN: Ahem! Mrs. McMurphy, allow me to introduce my cousin from
London, Grace Tillinghast.
GRACE: (British accent) Charmed, I'm sure.
Mrs. McMurphy: Oh my dear, you don't have to bow to me!
GRACE: But I heard you're the queen!
MRS. MCMURPHY: (LAUGHS) Oh darling Grace, aren't you sweet!
[MCMURPHY TURNS, EXIT/PANTOMIMES WITH EXITING ROGER &HARBORMASTER]
BARBARA ANN: Relax every one!That's enough "kissing up" for today.
GRACE: Yes Barbara Ann, you're right. I should be kissing someone
far more attractive.
STEVE: And that would be me!?
GRACE: Don't be ridiculous.
BARBARA ANN: Grace, meet Steve.
STEVE: Come on Grace, how about a little dance? [sings] Strangers in
the night la la- la la la ?
GRACE: Ah, not now, Steve, thanks.
STEVE: Come on. I'll teach ya The American Way.
GRACE: May I take a rain check?
[end of extract]