The Grand Tour by Sheila Wainwright Baines


This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent

Sir Algernon of Lofty Towers,

Sat pondering his lot.

“This acreage needs cheering up

With stuff we haven't got!”

An expedition was his plan

To lands across the seas

In search of treasures, artefacts,

Exotic plants and trees.

“We need conveyance,” thought Sir Al,

“To carry many things.”

So for the first leg of the trip

He built a car with wings.

The packing caused a lot of fuss.

“Too much,” said Al, “I fear!

Just take a stove, the phonograph,

My golf clubs and some beer!”

With spirits high they sallied forth

Aboard 'The Pimpernel'

Milord, his valet, Lady Rose,

The cook, a chum, and Belle.

They breakfasted in Paris, France,

And lunched in St.Tropez.

Then swiftly sped across the Med

For tea in old Pompeii.

“Just what I need,” said Algernon.

“Let's take some ruins home”.

They searched around, and found three urns,

Four pillars and a dome.

“This load's too heavy, mark my words”

Called Chum, a trifle miffed.

“Look for the Nile, we're losing height.

The engine's got no lift!”

[end of extract]


Script Finder

Male Roles:

Female Roles:

Browse Library

About Stageplays

Stageplays offers you the largest collection of Plays & Musicals in the world.

Based in the UK and the USA, we’ve been serving the online theatre community since the last century. We’re primarily a family-run business and several of us also work in professional theatre.

But we’re all passionate about theatre and we all work hard to share that passion with you and the world’s online community.

Subscribe to our theatre newsletter

We'll email you regular details of new plays and half-price special offers on a broad range of theatre titles.


We can deliver any play in print to any country in the world - and we ship from both the US and the UK.

© 2010 - 2022 Stageplays, Inc.