The Feast of Jovi Bono by Ash Sanborn
This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent
Preshow music - Creative Common licensed violin
music and a home-made style video showing tent
cities and other elements of poverty in the midst
of American prosperity today, interwoven with
clips of various poetry slams, artistic graffiti
and other public art and creation
A DVD will be available as part of the production package
ACT ONE - Scene One
(Lights come up on Jovi and Adrian's home. Stage left is a sofa and chair,
and a back wall. (optional) Numerous books on shelves and piled all over.
In the corner by the window is a violin and stand. Stage right is a
small table with two chairs, a kitchen and a butcher block on wheels
CHEF enters stage right and wheels the butcher block upstage center. She
takes an oversized wooden spoon and stirs into a large mixing bowl.)
CHEF
What makes an eternal memory? Do you remember the best
meal you've ever had? Is it the food that lives forever
in your mind or the souls at the table who satisfied
your heart? When you eat alone, do you miss the
nourishment of other bodies sharing the table? Listen,
I know all about the best food!
(sticks her finger in the bowl, pulls it out, licks it and exclaims)
Yowee! Two years ago, I won a reality show. The prize
—I run a restaurant so fine they're thinking of
adding a sixth star! What was the best meal you ever
had? Your mom's cooking? A fancy restaurant? Pad Thai
from a little fusion dive in your neighborhood? A
midnight buffet on a cruise ship?
Do you even remember the food at that greatest of all
dinners? Here's what I've learned as a consummate
foodie: I can braise, bake, saute, roast, flambes,
baste or sear better than anyone here. I've traveled
four continents in search of the best spices and
flavorings. No matter how much I perfect the marinade
of whatever I cook, I cannot replicate the flavor of love.
No matter how much I love to set fire to food in my
kitchen and present something hot, exciting, sexy, I've
yet to create a dish there that set fire to a heart.
The truth I know is, you can't ignite a heart stuck in
the back doing prep work.
(Enter JOVI and ADRIAN, stage right. They set the
table together and sit to eat as CHEF continues.)
CHEF
The peasants of this cottage are sitting down to a
meal. The menu's one star, but the connection is
sublime. There's a rumor in the lowest places that Jovi
is a saint. The slums of the world are where society
really cooks, so maybe they know something we don't.
JOVI
So, they came in again for this sweet sixteen party.
Get this. They want real diamonds surrounding the top
tier. Don't worry - they'll buy the diamonds and bring
them in.
ADRIAN
Thoughtful.
JOVI
And that doesn't worry me so much, but they want eight
tiers - EIGHT and they want the third tier from the top
to be elliptical instead of round, extending out from
the other tiers like a cameo, since the frosting is cameo pink.
ADRIAN
But won't that be a little unstable?
JOVI
A little? I'm scared. I offered to do an ellipse for
the bottom tier. I even offered to do an elliptical
cameo cake to the side, with a photo of the sixteenie -
no charge.
ADRIAN
Did they go for it?
JOVI
No, they won't budge.
ADRIAN
So, charge them more. Charge them fifty dollars per
diamond placement and make them sign a contract that
you're not responsible if their crazy cake falls over.
JOVI
I did charge them an extra fifty dollars - total - to
put the diamonds there, and I haven't stopped warning
them that the cake is an indescribably bad idea.
ADRIAN
What did they say?
JOVI
They gave me a check for fifty dollars and started
discussing whether I could make foie gras bite sized
for appetizers to go beside the mini cheeseburgers.
ADRIAN
Classy.
JOVI
I can't think about this anymore. How was your day?
ADRIAN
Thanks for the chicken caesar wrap in my lunch. I even
kept it down while Leigh Farnsworth and Claire Walsh
talked about the concert last night - the one you
wouldn't let me go to - and how amazing it was.
JOVI
You can stay out all night on school nights when you
get to college and I'll never know. Until then, I'll
consistently say no.
ADRIAN
At least you're consistent.
JOVI
How was your trig test?
ADRIAN
Easy.
JOVI
What should we do tonight? Do you have homework?
ADRIAN
Yes, but there's no school tomorrow.
JOVI
Oh, really? All night game marathon? Scrabble?
ADRIAN
Suddenly I feel very tired.
JOVI
Oh come on!
ADRIAN
Forgive me if I'm not up to you jumping up from the
table and shouting "In your face" every time you get a
triple word score.
JOVI
I do it for triple letters, too.
ADRIAN
And doubles, but I was too polite to point that
out. Dad's coming.
JOVI
(horrified)
What?
ADRIAN
I got an email.
JOVI
He has email?
ADRIAN
Actually it was on Facebook. Seriously, Mom. I think
you're the only person left in the world who's not on
Facebook. Nana and Poppa are on Facebook.
JOVI
Poppa? He's still in prison.
ADRIAN
Luckily, Nana made him a profile.
JOVI
When were you going to tell me this?
ADRIAN
Now.
JOVI
How long have you known?
ADRIAN
A couple of weeks.
JOVI
A couple of weeks! Why didn't you tell me sooner? Let
me guess. He asked you to keep it a secret!
ADRIAN
He asked me to delay letting you know so you wouldn't
stew about it for two weeks.
JOVI
What brings him to town?
ADRIAN
I don't know. Maybe seeing his daughter?
JOVI
(smiles wearily)
Maybe. He loves you you know.
ADRIAN
I know. I thought you were going to play your latest
song for me tonight.
JOVI
Ooh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me.
(picks up violin, walks to the window and starts
playing a violin piece with Creative Common
license - actually pantomiming while the
production CD plays the soulful tune. at the
kitchen door upstage center, MALCOLM steps in the
door as though he lives there, holding a bag of
oranges, and trips. JOVI keeps playing. ADRIAN
greets MALCOLM, picks up the bag and pulls a chair
out for him.)
ADRIAN
Malcolm! How's it going?
MALCOLM
Oww. Ow. Fine, fine. A new parishioner dropped off six
bags of these padparadscha oranges at the church today.
JOVI
Oooh! What's her name?
MALCOLM
How the heck should I know? I'm not even sure if she
joined the church last week or the week before. I used
to know everyone's name, whom they were related to, the
year their parents left to go to Trinity because we
stopped having communion every week but came back after
their second grandchild's baptism, and whether all the
siblings were confirmed at Sisera. Now I look at the
sea of faces and I'm not sure if I've seen them before.
ADRIAN
Think about when you start preaching in a stadium.
MALCOLM
Don't even say that!
JOVI
What's wrong? Isn't that what you wanted?
MALCOLM
It's what I always dreamed of, but not like this. Not
with each pair of eyes getting lost in the blurry
crowd. Quantity is starting to trump quality.
JOVI
Maybe you need to get some help. You can certainly
justify another pastor.
MALCOLM
Or three, but it has to get through the committee
first.
JOVI
picks up an orange
Isn't padparadscha a gemstone?
MALCOLM
I believe it is. And now it's an equally expensive
piece of fruit.
ADRIAN
Padparadscha. I wonder how many points that is in
Scrabble? Padparadscha. It's a party in my mouth.
MALCOLM
Enjoy.
JOVI
Thanks.
ADRIAN
My dad is coming to town.
[end of extract]
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