TAKE SIX! - Six Ten-Minute Plays by W Terrence Gordon
BACK STORY
CHARACTERS
THE SERPENT
THE SUPREME BEING
EDIE
ADAM
The SERPENT wears a one-piece, snakeskin costume that covers the ears
and the back of the actor's head but not his face.
The SUPREME BEING (S.B. below) wears a three piece suit.
EDIE wears a flesh-tone bodysuit that covers the actor from neck to
feet.
ADAM as for EDIE.
The action takes place on a black-box stage until the Garden of Eden
sequence, requiring the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil hung
with abundant ripe fruit.
SERPENT: Hi, boss.
S.B.: Don't call me Boss.
SERPENT: Oo! Isn't the Supreme Being humble today?
S.B. The meek shall inherit the earth.
SERPENT: It's yours already, for chrissake
S.B. Watch your language.
SERPENT: It's yours already, so what's with the Humble Herman
routine? Second thoughts about your creation?
S.B.: How'd you know that?
SERPENT: Man, some days I can read you like an open book. So, what
did you bugger up?
S.B.: You wouldn't understand.
SERPENT: Try me.
S.B. Were you around when I created the world?
SERPENT: Hey! Rhetorical question! Cheap shot. You can do better than
that, El Supremo.
S.B.: Were you around when I created the world?
SERPENT: Hey! I'm the one with no ears here. I said unask the
question. Save it for Job.
S.B.: Poor bastard.
SERPENT: Watch your language. I'm getting a read on this. Problem
with planet earth, right?
S.B.: No.
SERPENT: So, you were totally OK when the dinosaurs didn't quite
match your blueprint?
S.B.: Uh, huh.
SERPENT: Oh, sure. You kept peppering them with cosmic shit and
finally you send this mother fucker of an asteroid six miles wide and
it's good-bye Dino and company.
S.B.: Bit of a sound and light show.
SERPENT: Oh, that is really sick, Mr. Great and Good! The Supreme
Being brings Vegas to the Mayan Riviera. Only thing is, Mexico's
not there anymore.
S.B.: That's not what I'm worried about.
SERPENT: Of course not. There's like not even a few dinosaurs left
to organize a protest.
(Beat)
S.B. : I need someone to praise me.
SERPENT: (Hysterical with laughter) I knew the humble routine would
not last. Vanity of vanities, Supreme Being is thy name. You really
do have some nice human qualities. (Sarcastically) He needs to be
praised. (Breaking into song) "Everybody needs somebody sometime."
S.B.: Just listen to me a minute. I'm going to create mankind in my image.
SERPENT: Where was that idea when you created the dinosaurs?
S.B.: Stop already with those futhe dinosaurs. When mankind sees that I have
created them in my image, they will love me.
SERPENT: I get it, I get it. You're going to populate the planet with little walking, talking selfies.
S.B.: Well, sort of.
SERPENT: What I am hearing you say is that the dinosaurs were not a
great idea. But what if mankind is an even worse idea?
S.B.: How about giving me a little credit here. I am the Supreme Being.
SERPENT: Does that mean you might decide to give humans the same
treatment as the dinosaurs?
S.B.: What are you now like some kind of advocate for humanity?
SERPENT: Ladies and gentleman, give it up for the Supreme Being and
his latest single I'm gonna make ya, and I'm gonna make ya love me.
(Beat)
S.B.: We can do this.
SERPENT: (Jumping up and down and screaming) WE? WE? WE? (He regains
his composure and speaks more slowly than before.) After four billion years
S.B. 4.6
SERPENT: After 4.6 billion years we are a team?
S.B.: There is strength in numbers.
SERPENT: Didn't do much for the dinosaurs.
S.B.: If you don't stop with the dinosaurs, you may find out that I've got an
asteroid left with your name on it.
SERPENT: OK, OK, pitch the idea.
S.B.: All the world is a garden. One guy, one gal.
SERPENT: Sounds like a song.
S.B.: Gonna set them up. Nothing to do but enjoy life.
SERPENT: Sounds like a scam: a retirement plan that kicks in before
you've done a day's work. Two holidays a year, both six months.
S.B.: Who's not going to go for that? All they have
to do is praise meand stay away from the tree.
(Beat)
SERPENT: Tree?
S.B.: Middle of the garden. Tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil.
SERPENT: What the hell is that?
S.B.: Exactly.
SERPENT: No, I'm serious. What is it?
S.B.: Were you around when I created the world?
SERPENT: Oh, no. Back to square one.
S.B.: Exactly.
SERPENT: I'm starting to get a headache, but go ahead and tell me
the rest of the plan.
S.B.: They eat the fruit
SERPENT: What?
S.B.: Who's not going to eat the fruit? One tree, ton
of organic fruit
SERPENT: You're setting them up all right for the fall, for chrissake!
S.B.: I warned you not to use that word. The garden guy
is dumb enough to obey orders. He really believes the meek shall
inherit the earth. The woman is smart. This is where you come in.
(Beat)
SERPENT: Me?
S.B.: Say I was going to ask the guy why they ate the
fruit, he'd just go "Duh, she made me do it." Like I caused the
problem by giving him the woman.
SERPENT: You did cause the problem; you set them up like bowling pins.
S.B.: No, you are going to cause the problem by talking up the fruit
to the woman.
SERPENT: How do you know she'll bite?
S.B.: She's too smart to think you have to believe everything you hear.
SERPENT: Maybe she's too smart for you.
S.B.: You keep forgetting who you're talking to.
SERPENT: You see, you see? Every time I get even a little bit under
your skin, out comes "I am the Supreme Being." What I haven't forgotten is your fuck-ups.
S.B.: Watch your language. You really give me no peace.
SERPENT: That is the whole idea, and it was not even my idea. Wait a
minute! You created me, I created trouble, now you're going ahead with this
bat-shit crazy plan to make sure everybody knows I'm the trouble maker as if
you're some kind of a nice old guy with wise eyes and fluffy beard. I'm not
buying into this. No way.
(Beat)
S.B.: You're missing the best part of the plan.
SERPENT: Let me guess: the organic fruit?
S.B.: Neither one of us has to take the blame.
SERPENT: For what?
S.B.: For humanity not praising me.
SERPENT: You're going to create humans to praise you and the
plan's not going to work?
S.B.: It's not going to be my fault or your fault.
SERPENT: OK, so we, I stress WE, are going to blame?
S.B.: Technology. We can let them bring destruction on themselves.
(Beat)
SERPENT: So, your "Praise the Lord" plan is going to work out how, exactly?
S.B.: We can't get it into that just now.
SERPENT: It's the free will thing, isn't it?
S.B.: I said we can't get into it.
SERPENT: You keep saying "we" but here it's something you
don't want to tell me. Here's the deal
S.B.: You are offering me a deal? Who do you think you are?
SERPENT: I know exactly who I am. Who do you think you are making a
deal with the Devwith theactually, let's make this part of the deal. I snooker
the woman, you explain free will to me and I get a new name.
S.B.: All right, already. Get thee to the garden.
SERPENT: Thee? When I said new name I didn't mean Viscount, Earl,
Duke or some hoity-toity crap like that.
S.B.: Shut up and get working.
SERPENT: Back to basics. I sure hope this isn't going to backfire.
Scene shifts to the Garden