Take Seven! by W Terrence Gordon


This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent


ABBY- 30 to 50
BABS- 30 to 50
CAT- 30 to 50
DOT- 30 to 50
EFFIE- 30 to 50
FIL(OMENA) - 30 to 50
GIL(DA) 30 to 50

ABBY: Here we go with our Kama Sutra quiz. I know you've studied hard

BABS: Key word "hard."

CAT: I haven't been chained to the desk.

DOT: Not to the desk but to?

ABBY: No chains in the Kama Sutra. Bodies. Just bodies.

EFFIE: Sitting up in bed?

BABS: Key word "up."

FIL: Reading in bed?

ABBY: No reading in bed. The reed is in water. #171. Here it is. He
kneels upright as she lies semi-inverted with her legs along the front
of his body.

GROUP: Appreciative Oo's and Ah's.

CAT: Reed me some more, Mr. Big.

ABBY: Let's get going. I give the number, you name the
position. Ready? #183.

BABS: That's the first position!

GROUP: Hey! What! No way!

CAT: 1 to 182 is what? Foreplay?

DOT: What's #1?

ABBY: The missionary position is first, but it's not number one.

CAT: If one isn't first it's the numbers that are kinky, not the

EFFIE: What is #1?

ABBY: The shampooer.

FIL: Oh, baby! You're incredible! Will you do me again tomorrow

GROUP: Laughter.

FIL: So what's #2? The manicurist?

BABS: That's #76.

ABBY: Good on you, Babs!

CAT: What?

ABBY: It's called fixing a nail.

FIL: Flossing each other in there anywhere?

ABBY: No but #261 is the toothpick.

BABS: Oral sex.

DOT: OK, #183 is the first position. So there's going to be what:
182 grooming tips before we get to the first position? You're gonna
look gorgeous but you'll be too tired to reach nirvana.

EFFIE: Reach nirvana!?! You'll be lucky if your guy doesn't get
dressed and go home without saying goodbye.

ABBY: 319.

FIL: What?

ABBY: #319 is the farewell.

BABS: If #183 is the first position, the farewell should be 184 to
reward the guy who stuck around while you did 1 to 182all by

ABBY: Come on here. Focus! Focus! Ready? #121.

Nobody answers. They all look at each other. Some shake their heads,
some shrug.

ABBY: The scholar.

DOT: Hey, who's got time to read when you're

FIL: Or a free hand to hold a book open.

DOT: So tell us how it goes for the scholar.

ABBY: He pins you against the wall with his body and holds you up with
his thighs.

EFFIE: With just his thighs?

CAT: Now that is scholarship.

BABS: Not your usual pin-up.

FIL: I'm not even going to tell my husband about that one.

Enter Gil. Her arm is in a sling.

GIL: Tell him everything.

GROUP: Gil! You made it ! What happened to you?

GIL: I forgot to tell him that when I'm riding side saddle he
can't be a bucking bronco.

ABBY: 88, 248 or 288?

EFFIE: She's 121, the scholar. That's our Abby.

ABBY: Horse at full gallop, the race horse, or the running horse?

GIL: I guess any one of them would be going fast enough to give me a
broken arm, but we were doing the sitting monkey.

GROUP: Scattered laughter.

GIL: I should have sklpped the pure nirvana note.

EFFIE: Tell us, tell us.

GIL: Lean back on your hands and thrust your hips. That's when he

ABBY: Gil, maybe we should get you to give us a little presentation
at the next meeting on the ten safest positions.

GIL: Sure, I'm going to have a little extra time on my handswell,

CAT: OK, so we've got a monkey in there that's just as dangerous
as the three horses.

GIL: (Hesitantly) Actually, there's another monkey in there.

CAT: Tell us.

GIL: Welluh

DOT: Wrong time to go shy on us, Gil.

ABBY: It's the monkey embrace.

GIL: (Surprised and relieved) Yes.

EFFIE: You and Joe should have settled for that one, Gil.

GIL: Who told you I was with Joe?

GROUP: Oh! Oh! Hoo-ee! Yeah! Mm-mm!

ABBY: And you just might know one more, Gil.

GIL: Why is everyone picking on me?

ABBY: OK, I'll say it for you. #320. The singing monkey.

FIL: There's got to be more to it.

BABS: Oh, yes. He coordinates music and orgasm.

GROUP: OK! All right! Hey! Name that tune!

CAT: His orgasm, hers, or both?

BABS: The KS says the music is supposed to be opera. I read that a
woman killed her husband because he started to sing the SpongeBob
theme song when she was getting ready to climax.

CAT: I would have killed the bugger too.


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