Take Seven! by W Terrence Gordon


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This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent


THE KAMA SUTRA QUIZ AND THE THREAD COUNT KING and QUEEN

CHARACTERS
ABBY- 30 to 50
BABS- 30 to 50
CAT- 30 to 50
DOT- 30 to 50
EFFIE- 30 to 50
FIL(OMENA) - 30 to 50
GIL(DA) 30 to 50

ABBY: Here we go with our Kama Sutra quiz. I know you've studied hard

BABS: Key word "hard."

CAT: I haven't been chained to the desk.

DOT: Not to the desk but to?

ABBY: No chains in the Kama Sutra. Bodies. Just bodies.

EFFIE: Sitting up in bed?

BABS: Key word "up."

FIL: Reading in bed?

ABBY: No reading in bed. The reed is in water. #171. Here it is. He
kneels upright as she lies semi-inverted with her legs along the front
of his body.

GROUP: Appreciative Oo's and Ah's.

CAT: Reed me some more, Mr. Big.

ABBY: Let's get going. I give the number, you name the
position. Ready? #183.

BABS: That's the first position!

GROUP: Hey! What! No way!

CAT: 1 to 182 is what? Foreplay?

DOT: What's #1?

ABBY: The missionary position is first, but it's not number one.

CAT: If one isn't first it's the numbers that are kinky, not the
positions.

EFFIE: What is #1?

ABBY: The shampooer.

FIL: Oh, baby! You're incredible! Will you do me again tomorrow
night?

GROUP: Laughter.

FIL: So what's #2? The manicurist?

BABS: That's #76.

ABBY: Good on you, Babs!

CAT: What?

ABBY: It's called fixing a nail.

FIL: Flossing each other in there anywhere?

ABBY: No but #261 is the toothpick.

BABS: Oral sex.

DOT: OK, #183 is the first position. So there's going to be what:
182 grooming tips before we get to the first position? You're gonna
look gorgeous but you'll be too tired to reach nirvana.

EFFIE: Reach nirvana!?! You'll be lucky if your guy doesn't get
dressed and go home without saying goodbye.

ABBY: 319.

FIL: What?

ABBY: #319 is the farewell.

BABS: If #183 is the first position, the farewell should be 184 to
reward the guy who stuck around while you did 1 to 182all by
yourself.

ABBY: Come on here. Focus! Focus! Ready? #121.

Nobody answers. They all look at each other. Some shake their heads,
some shrug.

ABBY: The scholar.

DOT: Hey, who's got time to read when you're

FIL: Or a free hand to hold a book open.

DOT: So tell us how it goes for the scholar.

ABBY: He pins you against the wall with his body and holds you up with
his thighs.

EFFIE: With just his thighs?

CAT: Now that is scholarship.

BABS: Not your usual pin-up.

FIL: I'm not even going to tell my husband about that one.

Enter Gil. Her arm is in a sling.

GIL: Tell him everything.

GROUP: Gil! You made it ! What happened to you?

GIL: I forgot to tell him that when I'm riding side saddle he
can't be a bucking bronco.

ABBY: 88, 248 or 288?

EFFIE: She's 121, the scholar. That's our Abby.

ABBY: Horse at full gallop, the race horse, or the running horse?

GIL: I guess any one of them would be going fast enough to give me a
broken arm, but we were doing the sitting monkey.

GROUP: Scattered laughter.

GIL: I should have sklpped the pure nirvana note.

EFFIE: Tell us, tell us.

GIL: Lean back on your hands and thrust your hips. That's when he
bucked.

ABBY: Gil, maybe we should get you to give us a little presentation
at the next meeting on the ten safest positions.

GIL: Sure, I'm going to have a little extra time on my handswell,
hand.

CAT: OK, so we've got a monkey in there that's just as dangerous
as the three horses.

GIL: (Hesitantly) Actually, there's another monkey in there.

CAT: Tell us.

GIL: Welluh

DOT: Wrong time to go shy on us, Gil.

ABBY: It's the monkey embrace.

GIL: (Surprised and relieved) Yes.

EFFIE: You and Joe should have settled for that one, Gil.

GIL: Who told you I was with Joe?

GROUP: Oh! Oh! Hoo-ee! Yeah! Mm-mm!

ABBY: And you just might know one more, Gil.

GIL: Why is everyone picking on me?

ABBY: OK, I'll say it for you. #320. The singing monkey.

FIL: There's got to be more to it.

BABS: Oh, yes. He coordinates music and orgasm.

GROUP: OK! All right! Hey! Name that tune!

CAT: His orgasm, hers, or both?

BABS: The KS says the music is supposed to be opera. I read that a
woman killed her husband because he started to sing the SpongeBob
theme song when she was getting ready to climax.

CAT: I would have killed the bugger too.


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