Snow White and the Seven Short Gold Miners by Timothy Quigley
This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent
Cast:
Snow White tall, dark hair, singer, dressed in ragged clothes
Queen wicked, but attractive
Queen as old Hag or double up Queen role
Face-in-the-Mirror wise guy/girl
Captain of the Guard looks mean, but is not
Prince princely
Silly good laugh
Serious very
Confused very
Crazy can see the future
A. P. unique sneeze
Forest the surprise miner, mild mannered
Ali Bubba mountain accent
Set:
Unit set with interior of the miner's cabin set behind the curtain
center stage consisting of seven small chairs with the names of the
miners on the back of each, a table set with bowls, rocking chair
fireplace with a cooking kettle, oil lamps or lanterns or candles,
exterior door at stage left so audience can see both sides of the
doorway.
In front of the curtain stage far right hangs a mirror frame that
can be backlit. Far stage left in front of the curtain is a simple
mine interior with rocks and ore cart. Downstage center in front of
the curtain flowers for a garden path and to also double as the
magical woods.
Song parodies can be made up by the cast members.
SCENE 1 Music (Suggested: parody of Someday My Prince Will Come)
starts to play as the lights come up slowly on downstage center, in
front of the curtain.
SNOW WHITE enters from stage right and dances to the music, picks
some flowers and starts to hum/sing to herself in a dreamy way.
The PRINCE enters from upstage left and stops to watch her when he
sees her. At the end of the song, she turns and sees him standing
there and is very embarrassed. She blushes and hurries offstage
right.
PRINCE What a lovely maiden. Why have I not seen her before? And
why does she wear such tattered clothes? This close to the
castle, I wonder if she is the Queen's step-daughter that the
townspeople love to gossip about. Story has it that the Queen is jealous of
her keeps her out of sight. Does she dress her as a servant as well?
(exits stage left)
SCENE 2 - Queen enters from stage right and primps herself as she
prepares to confront the mirror. When ready she storms over to the
mirror.
QUEEN Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of the all?
FACE Are you speaking to me? (can also use an empty frame the FACE
can hold up)
QUEEN Of course you idiot!
FACE Oh. Can you repeat the question.
QUEEN (getting angry) Who is the fairest of the all!
FACE Fairest? Who is the fairest of the all? Well, it sort of
depends on what you mean by fairest, and whom do you consider to be
included in all, don't you think?
QUEEN I have asked this of you every day for more than a score of
years… now, spit it out!
FACE Yes, that is true. However, today I have a problem with my
answer.
QUEEN Problem? Problem! What kind of problem?
FACE Well, you see, beings such as myself are political appointees
and we therefore want to tell the appointors exactly what they want to hear.
QUEEN You have a different answer for me today? There is someone
else in the Queendom that is more fair than I?!
FACE (clears his/her throat) Well, yes there is another who has
blossomed to be quite fair, quite fair indeed. But, she is practically you anyway.
QUEEN Another, fairer than I? What do you mean she is practically
me? What are you babbling about?
FACE She has a quiet nature. Lovely dark hair. She loves nature
and graces all with a wonderful smile. And, her skin is as white as - ...
QUEEN Snow White? Snow White! She is the fairest of them all?
(she picks up her hair brush preparing to throw it at the mirror)
FACE Seven years bad luck!!!
(she dismisses the Face with a wave of her hand)
QUEEN Captain of the Guard.
CAPTAIN (enters from stage right) Yes my Queen.
QUEEN I want you to escort my step-daughter to the far mystical
woods on the pretense of a flower gathering expedition. When you
are quite out of sight of anyone ... kill her.
CAPTAIN My Queen! You cannot mean that. Kill the princess?
I could not do such a thing.
QUEEN You will do as I command, or you will not live to see the
dawn.
CAPTAIN Yes ... yes my Queen. I am your humble servant.
QUEEN And don't forget it. To make sure, bring me back her heart
in this box.
SCENE 3 The Captain and Snow White enter from stage right and Snow
White begins to pick wild flowers. The Captain looks around to
make sure nobody is near, draws his sword and sneaks up behind
her. As he prepares to strike, she turns - sees him and screams.
He drops his sword/knife and covers his face.
CAPTAIN I cannot do it, my Princess.
SNOW WHITE But, why would you do such a thing to me?
CAPTAIN I was ordered to do so, by the Queen.
SNOW WHITE The Queen?
CAPTAIN She is very jealous of you.
SNOW WHITE Of me? Whatever for?
CAPTAIN Your beauty. She is vain. And, you are a knockout, I might
add.
SNOW WHITE (to audience) If I were vain, they would call my Vaina
White!
ALL (offstage) Wheel of Fortune!
SNOW WHITE I don't believe it.
CAPTAIN Well, believe it. And now, run for your life. Run deep
into the mystical woods and find a place to hide. A place to live ....
forever. They say this woods, depending on which path you choose, can
lead to a different place on earth and you will arrive at a different
time. I will tell the Queen that I have killed you. She wanted some proof,
but I will think of something.
SNOW WHITE Proof? What proof?
CAPTAIN Your heart, my lady.
SNOW WHITE You have my heart. May it travel with you and protect
you.
CAPTAIN Go now my Princess. Go! (she exits stage left, he exits
stage right)
SCENE 4 The curtain rises. Snow White enters from stage left and
peers into the window of the door to the cabin. The cabin is in disarray.
SNOW WHITE I've been running and walking for hours and hours and
have seen nothing but flowers, trees and animals who seemed to have led me
here. What a curious little cottage. (she knocks) No one seems to be at home.
(she opens the door slowly and enters) What a mess! Oh, look at the tiny chairs,
there must be children here. Dirty dishes galore. Cob webs. Picks, shovels and
a scale? How odd. There must not be a mother here by the looks of it. Oh, these
poor children. The father must be a miner of some sort. Maybe if I clean up this
place and have a nice meal prepared when they all get home, they will let me stay
here as a servant. I better get busy.
SONG: Suggested: parody of Whistle While You Work
Oh, look. The children's names on the back of each chair.
What strange names. Silly, Serious, Crazy, Confused, A.P., Ali Bubba
(she pronounces Baba) and Forest! Seven children, how nice (?)
Dinner is cooking and the place at least looks presentable. I am
very tired. I think I will take a nap before the family comes
home.
(she lies down on a rug on the stage right side of the cabin and
falls asleep pulling a blanket over her)
SCENE 5 - Miners are working in front of the curtain, far stage left.
A P Its quittin' time fellers. Let's go home, I'm mighty hungry.
CRAZY Call me crazy, but I think someday they will make greenbacks
by giving tours down here so as people in the future can see how
we worked the gold mines.
SERIOUS You are plumb loco.
CRAZY Call me crazy, but I think people will come form all over the
world to see where this here gold rush got started. They might
even have one of those museums here to show the history.
SERIOUS Crazy. Your not crazy. Just plain stupid.
[end of extract]
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