Poking Peeps by Reid Conrad

This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent

Cast of Characters

Four friends

b'Kia
trAyne
D'D
p'mOna

A visitor
r'Gus

Setting

The action takes place in the not-too-distant future.

b'Kia lounges on a shabby sofa stage right. A locked and bolted
door stands up center. Clear plastic strips hang in front of it.
trAyne, D'D and p'mOna stand center left facing audience. The
three of them wear ear buds attached to necklaces around their necks.
They are transfixed by a giant invisible monitor. b'Kia makes a
concerted effort to ignore them. After a minute, trAyne turns to
b'Kia.

trAyne: Come watch vid with us.
b'Kia: I am not watching vid with you. I'm not interested in
watching vid with you.
trAyne: I'll let you use my Spangle Buds.
b'Kia: I don't want to wear your Spangle Buds, or your Buddy
Buds, or your Dums-Dums. I'm not interested!
D'D: Who's the Tood?
b'Kia: There's no Tood here. No, wait, there is. It's me. And
if I have an attitude, it's mine. Not some jingly, or catch pitch or
any other drivel that comes out of that machine.
D'D: Tood, tood, don't be rude.
b'Kia Drop dead.
p'mOna(moving to sofa): Come on, b'Kia, you've been slogging on
that sofa for three days now
b'Kia: If I've been slogging for three days, then good! I can
slog if I want to! I can slog for another three days if I want to!
D'D: That's dangerous!
trAyne: You might become attached, permanently
p'mOna: - become a ghost in the machine
trAyne: - or we might mistake you for furniture and crush your
numbles!

trAyne sits on b'Kia and is joined by p'mOna, laughing.

b'Kia (not amused): All right, very funny get off of me!
(pushing hard)
trAyne: Hey!
p'mOna: Heimer!
D'D: Total Tood!
b'Kia: Just leave me alone. Okay?
trAyne (kneeling on floor next to sofa): Hey, girl. What's wrong?
p'mOna: Where's the happy-go girl we used to know?
b'Kia: She moved out.
trAyne: Grumspter.
p'mOna: Grumpy grumspter.
D'D: C'mon, b'Kia, level us. Same play field.
b'Kia: No use.
trAyne: We're your girls. Give us a try.
p'mOna: Put the level on us. We're true.
D'D: If something's weighing you heavy, level your true friends.
trAyne: It's what trues do
D'D: for each other.
b'Kia (beginning to let go): I don't know where to start.
D'D: Beguine, baby.

(b'Kia laughs at herself. pause)

b'Kia: It's just that everything, lately (falters)
D'D: How long have you known us?
trAyne: Us!
D'D: Since the grade! And all the way through mid and high. And we
live together now!
p'mOna: Like cats in a can
D'D: Like cats in a can. C'mon, girl. Whatev' is in your head?

b'Kia looks at her three friends.

b'Kia: Okay. You're right. It's always been us. We still have
each other.
D'D: That's right. Total and true.

(pause)

b'Kia: D'D, it's just that lately I

The attention of D'D, trAyne and p'mOna is suddenly snapped
forward in the direction of the monitor.

trAyne: Veeee Jaaaay!
p'mOna: Veeee Jaaaay!

trAyne, p'mOna and D'D give total focus to the imaginary screen
before them. They cock their heads simultaneously. b'Kia looks for a
moment, sighs heavily, and slams a pillow against her lap. After a
minute the girls relax.

trAyne: Whoa! Im-Por-Tent!
p'mona: Capital Tent!
trAyne: Be Good Tuesday.
p'mOna: Water off. No baths. Dry cooking.
trAyne: Serve the 'burb.
p'mOna: The big Dee Bee.
D'D: So let's get our baths in today and tomorrow.
p'mOna: And water up our din-din tonight.
trAyne: Plan A! (butterfly-high- five's p'mOna then turns) Did
you hear that, b'Kia? Be Good Tuesday.
B'Kia: I heard. Water rationing. Oh. And thanks for listening,
(sarcastically) Trues.

The others have already returned focus to the front again.

trAyne: Doctor America?
p'mOna: Tonight?
trAyne: Too too! What's it gonna be?
p'mOna: Crisis talk?
trAyne: Econ byte?
D'D: Quarterly, maybe. Anyway, we'll be there.
traAyne: Here is there
p'mOna: and there is here!
trAyne: Making it
p'mOna: - with GoldGold Beer!
trAyne and p'mOna (singing the refrain): 'here is there, and
there is here. Makin' it with GoldGold Beer.' (they giggle)
p'mOna: Or how about - (singing) 'What's in store for you
today?'
trAyne (picking up): - 'where can you both shop and play?'
p'mOna, trAyne and D'D: 'get it all the Vee Vee Way!'

The three girls are immersed again.

b'Kia (calling out to the others): Bet you don't even know what
VV means! Virtual Video. It's where you are right now! Lost in La La
Land and don't even know it! They have seized your pudding heads and
are scooping out your brains!!!

The OTHER GIRLS are too caught up to listen to b'Kia.

trAyne: Chicken in the Pot!
p'mOna: Chicken in the Pot!
D'D: Remember? How long ago was that?
trAyne: Let's do it! C'mon, b'Kia, join us!
p'mOna: Chicken in the Pot!
b'Kia: You've got to be kidding me.
p'mOna (crossing and pulling b'Kia's arm): C'mon, Chicken in
the Pot! Remember? It'll be fun!

b'Kia pulls her arm away and gives p'mOna a hard look.

D'D: If the girl don't wanna
trAyne: - then the girl don't wanna.
p'mOna (backing off): Lump! (turning to others) Well, we don't
need her anywho.
D'D: Who?
p'mOna: Who!
trAyne: Ready girls? (The girls move into position.) Sure you won't
be joining us this evening?
b'Kia (sarcastically, waving her hand at them): Play nice, now.
trAyne: One, two, three.

trAyne, D'D and p'mOna begin a routine, much like a step dance.
It is somewhat childlike, but the girls show no signs of
self-consciousness as they move together as a unit. They chant
together the following:

Chicken in the pot,
Chicken in the pot,
Chicken in the pot,
That's what I got.
Chicken in the pot,
Chicken in the pot,
Chicken in the pot,
And I so hot.
Now GO!
Chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, BOOM!
Chic-kie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chikcie, chickie, BOOM!
Chic-kie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chikcie, chickie, BOOM!
Chic-kie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chikcie, chickie, BOOM!

(Repeats)

Chicken in the pot,
Chicken in the pot,
Chicken in the pot,
That's what I got.
Chicken in the pot,
Chicken in the pot,
Chicken in the pot,
And I so hot.
Now GO!
Chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, BOOM!
Chic-kie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, BOOM!
Chic-kie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, BOOM!
Chic-kie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, BOOM!
Chic-kie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, BOOM!
Chic-kie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, BOOM!

During the last 'chickie' refrains, THE GIRLS break down into a
freestyle routine, dancing, stepping and moving to their own accord.
Finally, they become aware of each other, stop, and come together
laughing in an embrace.

D'D (over her shoulder): You missed a good one, Ki.
b'Kia: No doubt the highlight of your day.
trAyne: God, that brings back the mems.
p'mOna: Campbell was such a fun school. Why'd they call us the
'chickens,' anyway?
D'D: It wasn't because we couldn't fight. (the girls laugh)
b'Kia (fed up): Maybe it was because you couldn't fly.

D'D stops, and trAyne and p'mOna follow suit. They turn toward
b'Kia.

D'D: Did you hear that?

The girls pull their earbuds off. They stare at b'Kia.

b'Kia: What? You have a problem
D'D: Ssh!
b'Kia: Don't shush me. I can speak my

b'Kia stops as a gentle rapping is heard on the door.

p'mOna (in a desperate hushed outburst): The murglers are back!
D'D: Hush!
p'mOna: The rape men and steal boys!
D'D: Quiet, I said!

They listen, leaning toward door. A loud knocking is heard.

p'mOna: Who is it?
D'D: p'mOna!
trAyne: Ssssh!
Voice (outside): Restitution must be paid!
p'mOna: What did he say? (calling out) What did you say?
D'D: Quiet!
trAyne: Shush it!
Voice: Restitution. It must be paid!
p'mOna: I don't understand what you're saying.
Voice: Open the door.
p'mOna: Oh. Okay.
b'Kia: p'mOna, wait!

p'mOna unbolts the door and steps back. A male figure wearing a gas
mask and a radiation suit steps through the doorway, parting the
strips of plastic. Holding a white bag in his hand he looks around at
the silent, wary girls. He pulls off his gas mask.

p'mOna: r'Gus! My dreamy! Girls, my dreamy's here!
r'Gus: Hey girls.
D'D: Such a scarer!
p'mOna: Meany, meany dreamy dreamer boy!
r'Gus: You okay, trAyne?
trAyne: I'm so shaky-quaky cause of you.
r'Gus: Don't be shaky, don't be quaky. This geek's bearing
grifts. (holds up bag)
trAyne: Grifts?
D'D: You brought grifts?
p'mOna: My dreamy! My big brave! Here, now! (dances with quick
steps before r'Gus)
b'Kia: GONNA PUKE!
r'Gus (as p'mOna goes to hug him): Whoa, horsey. Got to get the
rad suit off first. Don't want you getting sick.
p'mOna: Hurry!

r'Gus begins to remove his radiation suit.

D'D: Bad out there today?
r'Gus: No, it's pretty good actually. Half mile vis, lights up,
crawlers down. So, I decided to make the trek to see my favorites and
share in a feast. (turns) Hey, Kia, how goes?
D'D: She's creepin' today.
b'Kia (to D'D): I can speak for myself, thank you. (to r'Gus,
sugary-sweet) I'm creepin' today.
r'Gus: Well, maybe this will pull you out of your drums. (moves
around behind sofa and plops bag down on sofa back. Opens bag and
pulls out a paper-wrapped block.) Ta-da!
p'mOna (crossing to sofa): What is it?
b'Kia and r'Gus: Fish.
p'mOna (to b'Kia): How'd you know?
r'Gus (to b'Kia): The smell? (b'Kia nods once) Stopped by the
pier on my way here. It should be good. Acceptable merc count. Hope
you like it. (holds out package)
trAyne (taking package): Thanky.
D'D: Thanky.
b'Kia: thank you.
r'Gus: Welcome. All. (looks at p'mOna) No thanky from Girlie
Girl?
p'mOna: Girlie Girl has fish kiss for Fisher Man! (she climbs over
the sofa to get to r'Gus)
b'Kia: Excuse me!

r'Gus drops radiation suit and bag behind sofa just in time to
receive p'mOna's affections.

D'D: So, who's cooker today?
trAyne: I'm cooker today!
D'D: Oh, God. And fish? (trAyne nods enthusiastically) Then I'm
helper girl. Let's go, Cooker, and hope that we can make sense of
this meal. (turns back) b'Kia, you don't by any chance think you
can pry yourself away from your busy day and help your girls with the
meal do you?
b'Kia: No, I'm good. Thanky.
D'D: Who woulda? (exits)
p'mOna (arms still around r'Gus): b'Kia. Go, go. Hint, hint.
b'Kia (mimicking): p'mOna. Get lost.
p'mOna: You get lost.
r'Gus (mediating): Hey! p'mOna, I almost forgot. I brought
something else. (gets bag)
p'mOna: More grifts?
r'Gus: Yeppir! Here you go.
p'mOna: Greens? Greens, Gussy?
r'Gus: mmm-hmm. Strings! Likey?
p'mOna: Likey? Lovey, my dovey. (gives a smothering embrace)
r'Gus: You remember how I like them?
p'mOna: With lemon?
r'Gus: With soy.
p'mOna: Soy.
r'Gus: Right. Then, I put you in full charge of the strings. Make
'em up for me, girlie.
p'mOna: Covered, dreamy.

p'mOna floats out stage left to join the other girls already busy
in the kitchen. r'Gus picks up radiation suit and folds it
carefully, then places it and gas mask near door. He returns behind
sofa, picks up bag, thinks, then returns bag to floor behind sofa.
r'Gus moves around to front of sofa, picks up b'Kia's feet, sits
and places b'Kia's feet on his lap. She has ignored all of his
actions up to this point.

r'Gus: So, Kia, how have you been? (cocks head at her) Things not
going well? Roommates getting on your nerves? (pause) What's been
going on here? (b'Kia looks at him) Oh, good, you do hear me.
b'Kiawhat is it? For sake, girl, get it out.
b'Kia (answering on top of last line): I HATE HUMANS!

(pause)

r'Gus: Feel better?
b'Kia: No. Thank you.
r'Gus: Okay, okay. You hate humans. Hmmm, that sets up a dilemma,
doesn't it? You see, darlin', in case no one has ever told you,
YOU are a human. (smiles)

b'Kia pulls her feet away from r'Gus and draws her legs up to her
body.

b'Kia (after a pause): Life sucks.
r'Gus: Ah, that's a point of view. But I can see it. Tell me,
what is sucking in your life at this moment?
b'Kia: Everything.
r'Gus: The all-encompassing 'everything.'
b'Kia: Well, everything does.
r'Gus: So, start somewhere.
b'Kia (giving him a look): All right. That stupid box over there.
r'Gus (turns): The vid.
b'Kia: Yes! That damn monitor rules our lives! And what comes out
of it is pure crap!
r'Gus: I agree.
b'Kia (skeptical): You do?
r'Gus: Yes. Well, maybe not everything. From time to time we do get
important community updates, you know, information we need to have.
Like credit balances and med apps. But most times, yes, it is
purewhat was that descriptive word you used? Oh, yescrap.
b'Kia: You agree?
r'Gus: Certainly. I would rather spend my time outside, suited up,
exploring the crumbling infrastructure of humanity firsthand than hear
the singsong jingles spilling out of the vid.
b'Kia: Tell me about it! If I have to sit through another twelve
hour marathon of world's best jinglies of the third quarter, I'm
going to blast that damn screen!
r'Gus: You have a blaster?
b'Kia: No.
r'Gus: Oh, because I've been trying to get my hands on one.
b'Kia (concerned): Really?
r'Gus: There are creeps out there. And crawlers. I'd only use it
for defense, though. (changes subject) So, it's the vid that's
got your blues.
b'Kia: Ugh! r'Gus, what has happened to this world? I hate it.
There's so much badness out there. And stupidity in here! People
just make me sick. All they do is prey on each other, tear each other
down, only out for themselves, no caring anymore. The strong get
stronger, meaner, more greedy, the weak escape by plugging into a dumb
box that offers only a placebo and no real solution. It's all gone
wrong. (sighs) I was born in the wrong decade.
r'Gus: Wrong decade? You mean, you belong back in the fifties?
(sings) "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog, cry-in' all the
time." (gets no reaction) No? The Sixties, then. "Love, love me
do, you know I love you, I'll always be true, so plea-ea-ea-ease."
(still nothing) Not the Sixties, either, huh? I know (jumps up). The
Seventies! (dances while singing) "Uh, uh, uh, uh, stayin' alive,
stayin' alive. Uh, uh, uh, uh, Stayin' alive, stayin' alive."
(looks back while dancing. b'Kia is smiling) Ah! Getting closer. The
Eighties! (assumes a dramatic pose) "Like a virgintouched for the
very first time, like a vir ir ir ir gin"
(b'Kia is laughing now) Ah ha! Found your decade! (returns to sofa
and plops down next to b'Kia). See, things aren't so bad. You're
laughing now.

[end of extract]

Price $7.99 Add to cart