Plausible Deniability by David Hansen

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This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent

ACT I

SCENE 1

(SETTING-A private office in the Whitehouse.
It is a Saturday in late May in the first
year of a new administration. As the lights
come up Thomas, the newly elected President,
is seated behind the desk looking over a
large stack of papers. Julie is standing
upstage of table at left. There is a tray of
pastries and a carafe of coffee and coffee
mugs on the table. There is a coat rack
upstage right with a NY Yankee's jacket on
one of the hooks. The wall behind the jacket
is adorned with Yankee's posters and photos.
There is a radio on the fireplace mantle
tuned to a local news broadcast. Julie pours
Tom a cup of coffee from the carafe, crosses
to the fireplace, turns off the radio,
crosses to the desk, and hands coffee to
Tom. Julie stands upstage left of desk and
looks over the president's shoulder at his
paperwork.)

JULIE
Good morning, Mr. President. Here's your morning
pick-me-up.

THOMAS
Thanks, I could use it just about now.

JULIE
What's the problem?

(Julie crosses to the couch and sits on the
right side.)

THOMAS
I'm trying to decipher this 8 billion dollar education bill.

JULIE
Don't pay it. We'll send the kids to a public school.

THOMAS
Good one Honestly, though, where's the money coming from?

JULIE
You can find lots of money for education. Just get
rid of the pork in all these bills. Do that thing with
your pen.

(Julie crosses left to table, gets a cup of
coffee and crosses upstage and sits on right
side of couch.)

THOMAS
What thing?

JULIE
You know, VETO! -Look down the page go to addendum
6, page 34, see- 3 billion is for an interstate
highway in Puerto Rico, Only 5 billion for education.

THOMAS
It says it's for economic development. Besides,
Puerto Rico can't have an interstate. It would be an
inter-island or something.

JULIE
Look down further, the economic development is a
highway from the CaribCo sugar plantation to the port
in San Juan.

THOMAS
Well that doesn't make any sense.

JULIE
Who owns the CaribCo sugar plantation?

THOMAS
The House Majority leader.

JULIE
And who proposed the amendment to the bill?

THOMAS
I see, you still look out for education, don't you?
Why'd you give it up?

JULIE
You know why. We've been over this before. I loved
the kids, but my true love has always been research,
you know I can't stay out of the greenhouse.

THOMAS
I know, so how's about a position in agriculture?

JULIE
No thanks, farming is backbreaking work.

THOMAS
Ok, Ok, I had to ask. And look at this one. The
environmental lobby says they need twenty five million
to save the American Alligator. They say they aren't
reproducing at a rate high enough to sustain their
population.

JULIE
Who, The environmental people?

THOMAS
No, the alligators.

JULIE
Sounds like reptile dysfunction to me.

(Thomas leafs through some papers)
THOMAS

Here's one you'll love. They want me to sign a bill
opening up 5 million acres of federal forestland for
logging.

JULIE
Is that from the timber lobby?

THOMAS
No, some splinter group. Hey, do you know what
happened to that picture?

(Tom points to empty spot on the upstage
center wall where the fading of the
wallpaper indicates a missing picture.)

JULIE
Oh, I sent that out to be fixed. The frame was
cracked.

(Sound of cell phone playing Hail to the
Chief. Julie crosses down left to table and
picks up a pastry. Julie turns to return to
couch while Thomas is on the phone.)

THOMAS
Hello yes, I'm fine no I'm not in any danger I'm
in my private office off the dining room. - No, not
the State Dining Room, the one in the residence Yes,
Julie is safe the kids are fine No, I don't know
where they are right this minute

(Tom looks at his watch)

THOMAS
Well, It's almost eight they're probably getting
breakfast or something. So don't worry OK, you take
care too, good-bye.

(Julie has returned to the couch and is seated on right side.)

JULIE
Was that the secret service?

THOMAS
No, My mother!

(Thomas Puts the cell phone on the desk, the
cell phone rings again, Tom answers. As Tom
is talking he gestures to Julie to get him a
pastry. Julie crosses to table and picks up
one of the pastries.)

THOMAS
HelloNo, we're not going home this weekendI know we
said we were, but I've got more work to do than I
thought I know I promised, but some things are out of
my control Well, when I was Governor, we were only
two hours away. Washington is a lot farther away than
Columbus. OK, I'll let you know if things change. Yes,
I know, and say hi to dad when you see him. Love you
too, Goodbye.

JULIE
Your mother?

(Julie crosses to slight left of desk and sets pastry down)

THOMAS
Secret service.

(Julie crosses back to the couch and sits)

JULIE
Isn't Hail to the Chief a bit tacky?

THOMAS
What? Don't I get a few perks? Any way it's not my
fault. Last week it played Bridge on the River Kwai
while I was meeting with the Japanese Ambassador. I've
got to tell Annie to stop playing with my cell phone.

(Thomas absent-mindedly places cell phone on desk)

THOMAS

(Take sip of coffee)

Wow, this is great coffee. Where'd you get this?

JULIE
From the greenhouse. It's a hybrid I've been working
on. It's got half the caffeine but gives you an energy
boost in just fifteen minutes. It took me almost two
years to get the flavor just right. But now I think
I've got it, and it'll keep you energized for about
two hours.

THOMAS
Well you did a great job. We could make a fortune
just selling it to the congress during the state of
the union address.

JULIE
I can't grow enough, it needs a mountainous,
subtropical climate, and I'm not moving to Central
America.

THOMAS
Well, maybe some day. Are the kids off to school?

JULIE
It's Saturday, you've been in here so long you've
lost track of time.

THOMAS
I've only been in office about four months and
congress has already swamped me with bills. Now,
thanks to you, I've got to go back over the
transportation bill to make sure we're not funding
elementary schools in retirement communities.

(Annie enters from stage left, crosses down
stage to table and picks up a pastry, sits
on chair at right of table)

THOMAS
Annie, why aren't you in never mind. What's up?

ANNIE
Its Saturday-you said we could go to the pet store today.

THOMAS
I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be finished up
anytime soon. All this legislation will take me all
weekend and then some. Besides, I'm not so sure
another pet in the Whitehouse is such a good idea.

(Annie stands and crosses to couch, she
stands between couch and coffee table)

ANNIE
That is so not fair. Angie has a boyfriend already
and I don't have any friends yet, and you said that if
you got elected and we had to move into the Whitehouse
that I could have a pet.

(Julie stands and gives Annie a slight hug)

JULIE
I'm sorry Annie, but you know he can't keep all of
his campaign promises.

(Julie and Annie look at Thomas.)

THOMAS
Ok, Ok I can see the Commander in Chief is going to
be no match for the two of you. How about we go next
weekend, but only a small pet, deal?

ANNIE
Deal.

(Annie turns to Julie)

ANNIE
Thanks Mom.

JULIE
Told you it would work.

(Annie sits on the couch and takes a bite of
pastry, Julie takes pastry from Annie and
crosses left to table and puts pastry down)

Now, go and get some breakfast.

(Annie stands and starts to cross right
towards stage right door and stops on
Thomas' line)

THOMAS
Not so fast, what's this about Angie and a boyfriend?

(Julie crosses upstage to center of couch and sits)

ANNIE
His name is Alex, she met him at Georgetown. He goes
there too.

THOMAS
How come we didn't know about him, and how long have
they been going out?

ANNIE
They're not going out, the secret service follows her
everywhere. They've been meeting in the college
library for about two months. Don't tell Angie I said
anything, she'll kill me.

THOMAS
How come the secret service didn't tell us?

(Annie crosses down left to table and picks
up pastry)

ANNIE
You know Brenda, the agent assigned to Angie?

THOMAS
Yeah.

ANNIE
Well, she said she wouldn't say anything as long as
no one was in any danger.

(Annie crosses upstage center and sits on
couch at left of Julie, Julie takes pastry
from Annie and sets it on the coffee table
at far right end, as far from Annie as
possible.)

THOMAS
Why would she put her job in jeopardy like that? I
should have her fired.

ANNIE
You remember the tutor I had for English while you
were campaigning?

THOMAS
Yeah.

ANNIE
And I said you should hire him full time?

THOMAS
Yeah, go on.

ANNIE
And Angie said he would be a good speechwriter and so
in February you hired him.

THOMAS
Yeah, so?

ANNIE
Well, he's Brenda's fiancé and Angie said she would
get him a job if Brenda didn't tell about Alex.

THOMAS
Well I'll fire both of them.

JULIE
And when the press gets wind of your daughter making
presidential appointments?

THOMAS
You knew about this, didn't you?

JULIE
Brenda told me, but Angie doesn't know. Look, Alex is
a really nice boy from a good family here in
Washington. I think his father is in the diplomatic
corps.

(Secretary of State, Barry Logan, enters
from stage left and crosses to table and
picks up pastry, Barry stands upstage of
table. Thomas looks up at Barry)

THOMAS
Barry, I didn't know we had a meeting today.

BARRY
We don't. I'm not here as secretary of state. I'm
here to take my niece to the pet store.

THOMAS
You're too late; we've already made plans to go next
week.

BARRY
No, you're too late, we decided last night. You may
run the country, but my sister runs this family. By
the way, sis, I stopped by the kitchen on the way up,
great coffee.

JULIE
You'll think it's even greater in about fifteen minutes.

BARRY
Well, come on Annie, I'll take you out for breakfast
and then we'll look for a dog or a cat or maybe a
monkey or two.

(Annie rises)

ANNIE
How about an elephant?

THOMAS
Too political.

JULIE
So donkeys are out too.

BARRY
OK, that leaves the usual, dull, domestic types. How
about a dog?

THOMAS
Oh no! A dog and Angie's cat is not a pretty good
combination.

BARRY
Well, we'll think of something. Tom. Hand me the
phone book and we'll look up some pet stores.

(Barry starts to cross right to left of desk
as Julie crosses left to table and puts
pastry and coffee cups on table. Thomas
stands and hands Barry the phone book. Annie
sits on left side of the couch. Thomas turns
to Julie.)

THOMAS
Why didn't you tell me about Angie and this Alex kid?

(Barry crosses left to couch and sits on
right side; Annie slides over closer to
Barry and they begin to look up phone
numbers)

JULIE
You would have had a fit and ended it before they
even had a chance to get to know each other. Just like
her last boy friend. She's nineteen and needs a life
outside this fishbowl!

THOMAS
I know that. And for the record, her last boyfriend was working for
my opponents campaign.

[end of extract]

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