Pictures by John Stack

This Play is the copyright of the Author, and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent

PICTURES

CAST: MALE ACTOR: Brian: One actor plays Brian as a child, a teenager, an adult and an old man.

FEMALE ACTOR:One actress plays all female parts.

Mother: Mother of Brian as a child.

Michelle: Brian's teenage girlfriend and later wife.

Teacher: Brian's maths teacher in secondary school.

Michelle's mother: On telephone.

Emma: Brian and Michelle's daughter who starts off as a child but grows older.

Nurse: Woman in her thirties.

At the opening, Brian, a young boy is playing with a stick while sitting on box SL. His mother is SR around another series of boxes that are stacked up randomly

Mother: (Calling) Brian. Brian.

Brian: (Childlike) Coming. (Narrates) Going back inside for the night was the last thing I wanted to do.

Mother: Brian. Come in for your tea.

Brian: (Childlike) Coming. (Narrates) Funny how much you rely on others all through life. You see, if mother dearest hadn't called me in every day, I'm firmly convinced I would never have eaten.

Mother: Brian!! Last time. Jesus that young lad.

Brian: (Childlike) Coming. Mammy, I saw this big fish in the stream and I tried to catch him but..

Mother: You know, despite it all, you actually depend on them more than you'll ever know.

Brian: (Narrates) And that's it. Dependency is what it's all about. You depend on the people you love as much as the people you love depend on you. That's happiness. (Changes to child) ...but by the time I found a string and a big stick to make a fishing rod the big fish was gone. Then I saw a frog so I tried to hit him with the big stick but he got away too.

Mother: I'm sure he did. (Giving Brian a school bag) God they have such innocence. One day you pack them off to their first day at school with a bag on their back and a smile on their face.

(They both pose for a photograph towards the audience. There is a camera flash.

Brian runs toward the other side of the stage as a young boy with the bag on his back)

Brian: (Walking to SL and sitting in chair as if in a classroom) School was something I was actually pretty good at. I just wasn't that interested in it.

Teacher: (She is now a teacher) Now, Algebra…

Brian: (To audience) Oh here we go.

Teacher: ... is the branch of mathematics that concerns the study of the rules of operations and relations, and the constructions and concepts arising from them. These include terms, structures, equations and…anyone?

Brian: I mean who wants to know the answer to stuff like that? Teacher: Anyone?

Brian: (Mimicking) Anyone?

Teacher: Brian. Seeing as you feel it necessary to entertain the masses, why don't you enlighten us with the answer? Though I sincerely doubt very much that you can, given your level of comprehension?

Brian: Am I don't know miss. Teacher: (Sarcasm) "Am I don't know miss" will doubtless get you top marks.

Brian: Teachers did have a sense of humour though. I'll give them that. They also had this uncanny knack of actually making you completely forget what you had been asked in the first place.

Teacher: Of course class we'll inform our friend Brian here that the answer is indeed Polynomials.

Brian: (To Audience) Polynomials. So obvious really. School confirmed for me the things I didn't want to learn. I wanted to know about the things that you can't be taught. Winning, losing, living life, loving life, loving….girls. Of course not everyone agreed with my principles…

(He walks back to boxes as teenager)

Mother: (She is back to Mother again on boxes) 15 years later they come back with a chip on their shoulder and an attitude! How was school?

Brian: What's it to you?

Mother: (Gives a resigned but satisfactory smile to the audience) You'll have to stop getting out of the wrong side of that bed of yours.

Brian: Aww. Shut up will ya.

Mother: Oh…that can only be one thing. Girl trouble?

Brian: What would you know?

Mother: (To audience) Being a female obviously stands for nothing when it comes to teenage boys and their girl issues. (To Brian) I was young once too you know.

Brian: Yeah…like a million years ago.

Mother: Of course you have to be 18 to know everything. Sometimes the hardest thing of all though is the realisation that you are no longer the only woman in his life.

Brian: (Springing up) Not just any woman..Michelle…from the bus stop. Every morning when you hopped off the bus she was there with all her pals outside the shop. She was gorgeous. She was funky. She was so cool. Everything about her was class. The way she stood, (Michelle strikes a pose) the way she laughed (Michelle laughs) the way she smoked (Michelle pulls on a cigarette) the way she completely ignored your pathetic attempts to converse. (To Michelle) Ah. Em The ah.. Hi….

(Michelle turns away in disgust and laughs with her friends)

Brian: Yes!! I made her laugh. Well sort of. Look it was a start!! My Michelle unfortunately stayed at arms length. Being an awkward teenager, with a face like a brunch didn't help matters. (Brian looks back. Michelle is slugging from a bottle and evidently drunk) She was way out of my league…until one night after the Leaving Cert when she wobbled up to me.

Michelle: (Drunk) Hey you're that eejit from the bus aren't ya?

Brian: Ah..Em..If you are referring to…

Michelle: Shut your blubbering mouth and kiss me ya eejit.

Brian: But if I shut my mouth I can't kiss you? Oh you didn't really mean that in a literal sense did you?

Michelle: Shut up.

(She spins Brian around so they are face to face a few inches apart with their sides to the audience. Both Pause. There is another camera flash)

Brian: (Breaks pause and looks out to the audience) What in God's name do I do now?

Michelle: (Looks out to audience) What in God's name am I doing? (Burps)

Brian: And then it happened. All the dreams that you had about Michelle (Looks down toward his groin, but not very obviously)...yes all of them came to mind. (Michelle stands with her back to audience and mimics what Brian says) You put one hand on her shoulder. (She puts her right hand on her left shoulder) The other on her hip and kissed her. (She puts her left hand on her right hip) That was my first taste of Vodka. She was drunk but she still wasn't repulsed so you get a little brave. (Michelle starts to slide her left hand down towards her bum but it is quickly removed by the other hand) Worth a shot though..

Michelle: And that was the start of it all. I used to see him every day getting off the bus. I thought he was so cute. My friends thought he was weirdo but I could see beyond that spotty face. They'd jeer me like mad if they knew how I really felt about him so I hid it. Until that night when I was so nervous about asking him that I got hammered. Dutch courage my arse. He was practically holding me up!! I thought he'd never speak to me again. Brian: She gave me her number. I wasn't even sure if she'd remember. I've never been as nervous in all my life. (Starts to turn phone dial) First I needed to establish if she remembered the night before…but in a cool way.

Michelle's mother: (She is now Michelle's mother. Answers phone) Hello.

Brian: Michelle?

Michelle's mother: Yes?

Brian: (Grasping for words nervously) It's Brian. Look I don't mind if you don't remember last night it's just that you told me to call you today and I didn't know when would be best…

Michelle's mother: (Interrupting) Hang on… Last night? What happened last night?

Brian: Well nothing of course. We were just talking and…

Michelle's mother: Who is this?

Brian: It's Brian.

Michelle's mother: And what age are you Brian?

Brian: Eighteen?

Michelle's mother: Oh..I think it's my daughter you're looking for. (Calling) Michelle, there's another one on the phone.

Brian: (To audience) Oh sweet divine. How much worse can one phone call get? As if I wasn't enough of a nervous wreck already without sounding like I was cracking on to her Mother. This was pointless. I was doomed to absolute failure on so many levels. (Michelle picks up phone and listens) I was a totally going to screw this one up.

Michelle: (Taking phone. She hears his last line) Hello.

Brian: (Frantic) Hello. Michelle at this stage I don't know who I'm talking to or what I'm saying but all I know is that you told me to call you and I've even managed to mess this one up and I don't even know if you remember a damn thing about last night but I do. I remember it all. There… I said it.

Michelle: I'm sorry.

Brian: You're sorry?

Michelle: Of course I remember it. I was so nervous about you I got way too drunk. God you must think I'm awful.

Brian: No!! No I don't..at all.

Michelle: Look, let me make it up to you. I promise I won't get pissed next time.

Brian: (Shouts in triumph to audience) Next time!!!

Michelle: Brian?

Brian: Sorry. Yes?

Michelle: This is where you say when.

Brian: Saturday?

Michelle: Friday.

Brian: Friday is good. Friday is…tonight!!!! (She hangs up) Michelle. Hello? Hello?

Michelle: (Delighted) Yes!! That was so much easier than I thought.

Brian: (To audience) We met up again…

Michelle: And again..

Brian: And things were going pretty well.

Michelle: Things couldn't be better.

Brian: She went to college and I went working. The postman became our lifeline.

Michelle: Love letters. Every day.

Brian: Love letters!! Imagine if the lads on the team saw the slop I was writing. I meant every word of it though.

Brian and Michelle: We were so in tune with each other. (They look at each other and laugh)

Brian and Michelle: Everything we did, we did it to impress the other. (The sentence tails off as they come to the end. They laugh again)

Brian: Stop it!

Michelle: Stop what?

Brian: This is my scene.

Michelle: Our scene darling. (They sit on floor to recreate a small part of a day they spent together)

Michelle: We should pick a song or something.

Brian: What do you mean?

Michelle: Like they have in the films. There's a big kiss scene and there's always a love song in the background.

Brian: So every time we kiss you want to play a certain song?

Michelle: No, we just pick a song that we call "our song." It'd be our little private thing.

Brian: What kind of a song?

Michelle: I don't know….just think of one. (Pause) Are you thinking?

Brian: (Evidently not thinking) Yeah.

Michelle: Which one?

Brian: Am…I don't know.

Michelle: you're not even thinking.

Brian: I am. I swear.

Michelle: Name one song then.

Brian: (Sings the first thing that comes into his head) "We're on a road to nowhere…"

Michelle: Ah Brian. Come on. Be serious

Brian: I don't know you pick one.

Michelle: I don't want to now. You think it's stupid.

Brian: No let's pick one.

Michelle: No everyone does that. I don't want to now.

Brian: (Pause) Well it is a little stupid. Let's do something different.

Michelle: Ok. (Pause) See this necklace. I love it. I want you to keep it.

Brian: Why? It's a girl's necklace.

Michelle: Keep it and if we're ever apart and you want to be reminded of me, just reach in your pocket and pull it out.

Brian: But..

Michelle: Promise me.

Brian : Well ok. But I'll be with you always anyway.

Michelle: A promise is a promise.

Brian: (Breaks moment and speaks to audience. The next few lines are spoken almost like two separate monologues) I learned to cook for her.

Michelle: I went to his football matches.

Brian: I wrote songs about her.

Michelle: I told all my college friends about him.

Brian: I'd go shopping with her.

Michelle: I studied really hard in college so he'd be proud of me.

Brian: I worked really hard to get money to bring her to nice places.

Michelle: I went to more football matches.

Brian: She loved it when I brought her to football matches! And when I scored I wanted her to be proud of me. Like that time in the county final in the dying seconds..(Michelle stands on the boxes and shouts during the next re enactment) The ball was sailing in from the midfield. We're two points down and looking dead and buried. No way. Not now. Not this year. I reach up, snap it out of the sky. I notice there is snow on the ball as I turn for goal and round the full back who has been using me as a punchbag all day. BANG!! Top corner!! Yeeesssss!!! We did it. I knew she'd be so proud of me. As I celebrated that night, she seemed to get a little distant. Must have been my hero status!!! (On boxes chanting) Championes championes oh ay oh ay oh ay. (As Brian continues chanting Michelle tries to get his attention) Championes championes oh ay oh ay oh ay. (Michelle tries again) We are blue we are white we are….

Michelle: (Shouts) Pregnant!!

Brian: (Silence).... Dynamite. We were 21. (They both sit)

Michelle: My dad hit the roof.

Brian: (Rubbing his face) And me!

Michelle: (Brian puts his hand on Michelle's stomach) We'll be fine won't we.

Brian: Sure we will. If it's a girl I want it to look like you.

Michelle: If it's a boy I don't want it to look like you!! (They laugh)

[end of extract]

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