Picklebottle Hill by Alex Nicol
This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent
SCENE 1 COOKTOWN 1878
A NEWLY BUILT ROOM IN A BROTHEL IN COOKTOWN 1878. THERE IS THUNDER IN
THE AIR FROM A STORM SOME DISTANCE AWAY.
SUFFICIENT LIGHT COMES FROM A HURRICANE LAMP ON THE FLOOR FOR US TO
SEE A YOUNG EURASIAN GIRL SITTING IN A CHAIR, NOTHING MORE. THIS IS
CHERIE SHE IS 15 YEARS OF AGE AND AN INDENTURED PROSTITUTE. HER HAIR
IS LOOSE AND SHE WEARS A SIMPLE GOWN.
WE SEE HER LONG ENOUGH TO FORM AN IMPRESSION OF A YOUNG WOMAN IN
REPOSE.
WE HEAR THE SOUND OF BOOTS RUNNING ON BARE BOARDS AND A MAN'S LAUGH
AND THE SHRILL HALF LAUGH HALF SCREAM OF A WOMAN FOLLOWED BY THE
BANGING CLOSED OF A DOOR. THERE IS A CURSE FROM THE MAN AND THE SOUND
OF A BOOT KICKING IN A FLIMSY DOOR. CHERIE BENDS AND TURNS UP THE
LANTERN. SHE IS UNCERTAIN WHAT TO DO. THERE IS ANOTHER HALF SCREAM
HALF LAUGH FROM A WOMAN AND SHE LOWERS THE LANTERN AND SITS AGAIN
PATIENTLY.
SCENE 2 AN OFFICE 1995
THE OFFICE OF MAX L'COSSE AND ASSOCIATES PUBLIC RELATIONS 1995. WE
NEED TO SEE VERY LITTLE BUT THE STYLE OF WHAT WE SEE IS IMPORTANT.
THERE ARE 2 OR 3 CHAIRS EITHER LAMINATED WOOD AND LEATHER STRIPS OR
CHROME DIRECTOR'S CHAIRS WITH MATERIAL IN BRIGHT PRIMARY COLOURS.
THERE IS A GLASS COFFEE TABLE AND AN EXPENSIVE MODERN ART MASTERS
COFFEE TABLE BOOK, A PLUNGER OF COFFEE, TWO CUPS AND SAUCERS, 2
CHAMPAGNE FLUTES AND A DECENT BOTTLE OF AUSTRALIAN CHAMPAGNE IN
EVIDENCE.
MAX, PRINCIPAL OF THE COMPANY, AND DUNCAN, A YOUNG ASSOCIATE ARE IN
AN AFTER WORK MEETING. MAX IS UNCORKING THE CHAMPAGNE AND POURING.
DUNCAN The V/C, `call me Frank, Professor sounds so academic,
fancies himself as a mover and shaker in the business world.
(ACKNOWLEDGES THE OFFERED GLASS).
MAX Never heard of him. No media profile
DUNCAN Board member of one of those Mickey Mouse Regional
Development companies set up with the sole purpose of holding
board meetings.
MAX Talent?
DUNCAN SHRUGS
MAX Could he make the Mid-day Show?
DUNCAN PULLS A FACE. But please the University would be ever so
grateful if you could come up with a corporate sponsor for our nice
new chair in Sino/ Australian studies.
MAX Love the title. Who did the market research?
DUNCAN The V/C, call me Frank, is already talking about export
awards.
He sees a stream of eager young Asian faces throwing their money at
his university for the privilege of learning how to do business in
Australia
HE TOPS UP MAX'S GLASS. MAX HOLDS HIS HAND UP TO
SIGNIFY ENOUGH.
MAX A visionary.
DUNCAN We'll pitch at BHP of course.
MAX You and everyone else.
DUNCAN We sell them a lot of wool and wheat.
MAX Farmer Jones and education. No I don't think so.
DUNCAN And they're making a bid to win the world beer drinking
stakes.
CUB's there and getting bigger.
MAX Not enough profile for them.
DUNCAN There are a couple of the European brewers becoming
established.
MAX No, no. Turn it around. Forget the Uni sell China ... Ancient
Civilisation…
DUNCAN PULLS A FACE AND MAKES TO INTERRUPT.
MAX ... biggest potential market in the world.
DUNCAN Unpredictable buggers. Right in the middle of the campaign
they'd do that Square thing again all over the seven o'clock
news.
MAX Perfectly predictable. We know there's always a nice home-
grown insurrection going on. Makes us feel safe to know that they're
fighting each other. Any colour?
DUNCAN Frank wants to open an off-campus module on an old
abandoned gold field in North Queensland. Sort of underline
the close historic links between the cultures, that sort of thing.
That's got a bit of potential.
MAX Ah! Chinese gold. Quaint pictures, pig tails and three quarter
pants Good. We'll want something for the brochure besides
smiling Frank in his horse collar and flat hat.
DUNCAN The Uni has someone digging around out there now.
MAX (SINGING) Money Money Money. We're coming at this from the
wrong angle. A lot of those pig tails are in charge of big piggy
banks these days. Instead of an Australian company looking to get
into China find a Chinese one trying to get out.
DUNCAN Follow any Mercedes heading for the eastern suburbs.
MAX They all say they're getting money out of Hong Kong before '97
and the only image they have here is…
DUNCAN Yum cha…
MAX Boat people.
DUNCAN Buy some one a reputation?
MAX FIDDLING WITH A COMPUTER NOTE BOOK. I have a
contact.
DUNCAN Naturally.
MAX Exhibition opening Thursday, one of Cath's friends has found
art.
DUNCAN You still seeing her?
MAX A WHO ASKED YOU? LOOK.
DUNCAN Sorry I asked.
MAX I was going to be working but an old and dear school friend with
the unlikely name of Ophelia Lu will be on hand for the cheese
and wine. Hong Kong Chinese and, according to Cath, as rich as
Croesus. Just back in town. I wonder what her line of business is?
DUNCAN As long as it's not computer games.
MAX Don't you just love art?
THE LIGHTS COME UP SLOWLY ON THE EXTERIOR OF A
CHINESE JOSS HOUSE. THIS IS NO MORE THAN A
ROUGH CORRUGATED IRON SHED PAINTED A FADED
RED. AN ARCH OF BUSH POLES ADZED TO GIVE
THEM A FAINT CHINESE LOOK STAND IN FRONT OF IT.
THE ENTRANCE IS GUARDED BY TWO SMALL LION DOGS,
ONE TO EITHER SIDE.
DAISY MAYCOCK, ARCHAEOLOGIST HAS STUMBLED
ON THE BUILDING. SHE IS DRESSED IN KHAKI PANTS,
AN OPEN NECKED SHIRT AND A WIDE BRIMMED HAT.
OVER HER SHOULDER SHE CARRIES A STANDARD ARMY
ISSUE WEBBING GAS MASK BAG. IT CONTAINS NOTE
BOOK, PRISMATIC COMPASS A SMALL COMPACT CAMERA
AND AN ARMY SURVEY MAP OF THE AREA.
THE SIGHT OF THE JOSS HOUSE FILLS HER WITH GREAT
EXCITEMENT BUT HER TRAINING ENSURES THAT SHE
WILL METHODICALLY RECORD EVERYTHING BEFORE
SHE MOVES IN TO DISTURB THE SCENE.
THE DIALOGUE CONTINUES AS WE WATCH DAISY AT
THE JOSS HOUSE.
DUNCAN God. Don't let it be computer games.
FX THE SOUNDS OF THE BUSH RISE.
MAX Miss Lu just might be useful. Get onto the agencies. Line up a
Chinese for the reception desk. Must speak Cantonese and ...
ah ... what's the other one? ... Mandarin. And be drop dead
gorgeous. Keep her on stand-by in case we need to invite the
fair Ophelia to the office.
DUNCAN I can picture it now. “Find the lost gold reef. Follow the
faithful
coolie, fail to avoid drunken diggers and be hanged.
MAX All in virtually reality. Never waste an idea. Jot it down we
might use it one day.
SCENE 3 THE JOSS HOUSE 1995
DAISY You beautiful, beautiful thing where did you come from?
SHE TAKES A SMALL COMPACT CAMERA OUT OF THE
BAG AND BEGINS TO TAKE PHOTOS OF THE BUILDING
MOVING CLOSER AS SHE DOES SO.
SHE WALKS TO ONE OF THE LION DOGS.
DAISY Hello boy. How long since you've been patted for luck? SHE
TURNS AND RUBS HER HANDS ALONG THE UPRIGHTS
OF THE ARCH. No names carved ... don't tell me. WE HEAR
THE RUMBLE OF THUNDER OF THE AFTERNOON STORM.
DAISY GOES TO THE DOOR OF THE JOSS HOUSE
AND PUSHES IT. IT'S STUCK. SHE KICKS THE BOTTOM OF
THE DOOR ,WHERE IT IS JAMMED, A COUPLE OF TIMES
AND FORCES THE DOOR OPEN. WE SEE A BLANK WALL
AND A PROFUSION OF TINY MIRRORS. DAISY TAKES OFF
HER HAT AND GOES IN.
SCENE 4 COOKTOWN 1878
THE ROOM IN THE BROTHEL. PRESENT GEORGE COLLEY
AND CHERIE. GEORGE IS HOLDING CHERIE'S FACE IN HIS
HAND.
GEORGE Cherie! A French tart's name for a slant eyed girl.
(CALLING).
Kate! I paid for a Christian woman and that's what I'll have.
CHERIE I am Christian.
GEORGE A mission-school Chinese whore then with a French tart's
name.
Kate!
CHERIE Half Christian.
GEORGE Half? Which half?
CHERIE My father. Very bad man. Maybe sailor, maybe Canton
merchant man ...
GEORGE ... who raped your mother. Who told you to tell me that
story?
CHERIE True.
GEORGE And I'm supposed to part with gold for the bastard daughter of
a Liverpool sailor or an opium trader.
CHERIE I take you to paradise.
GEORGE Stop that. What's your name, real name?
CHERIE Ma Fu. Kate says it sounds like a sneeze ...
GEORGE It does.
CHERIE And no one wants to sleep with a sneeze. Cherie better name.
GEORGE And more expensive. So, Kate's in the baptising business now.
CHERIE I take you to paradise now?
GEORGE And that's Kate too so you can stop it. You and me what we do
together that's business. Just business. Do you understand?
CHERIE Trade. Yes?
GEORGE Trade. Yes. You for a little of my gold.
CHERIE Two ounces. Kate says to tell you I am a two ounce girl and a
present may-be.
GEORGE I'll tell you if you're a two ounce girl or not. You know what
to
do?
CHERIE Yes.
GEORGE You've done it before?
CHERIE Many, many times ... Not too many.
GEORGE A woman I wanted not a slip of a girl. How old are you? Show
me. Let me see.
CHERIE MAKES NO MOVE
GEORGE Open your gown thing and let me see what I'm buying.
CHERIE MAKES A SMALL CONFUSED MOVEMENT.
GEORGE `I have done it many times.' Are you a boy they'd foist on
me?
Let me see you.
HE PULLS HER GOWN OPEN. CHERIE DEMONSTRATES BY
HER ACTIONS THAT THIS WAS NOT EXPECTED. SHE
REALLY IS UNPREPARED TO BE USED AS A THING.
GEORGE KNOWS WHAT HAS HAPPENED.
GEORGE I've seen more breast on a pigeon, and not a feather to fly
with. That Kate will burn, so she will.
HE RELEASES HER AND SITS IN THE CHAIR. CHERIE
QUICKLY COVERS HERSELF AND STANDS
AWKWARDLY.
GEORGE Take my boots off. CHERIE KNEELS TO BEGIN THE TASK.
I don't go to bed with my boots on. SHE IS TUGGING AT THE LACES.
And gently. A two ounce girl should slip a man's boots off like a
ladies glove.
CHERIE SHE IS STILL HAVING TROUBLE. They are very big.
GEORGE Out. Out of my way. HE PULLS HIS BOOTS OFF. Now. Rub
my feet.
SHE BEGINS TO MASSAGE HIS FOOT VIGOROUSLY. GEORGE
REACHES FORWARD AND SLAPS HER HAND. IT IS NOT A
PAT BUT A SHARP SLAP. You're not shelling corn now girl.
Gently. Who owns you?
CHERIE I must work for Miss Kate.
GEORGE How long?
CHERIE When I give her back 200 ounces of gold ...
GEORGE `Til hell freezes over. Where did she get such a clumsy girl
as
you?
CHERIE The captain who brought us here to California ...
GEORGE ... And stupid. You have no idea where you are. This isn't
California.
CHERIE Not Xin Jin Shan?
GEORGE O yes gold mountain. or at least you have to cross a mountain
to get to it but not California.
CHERIE Then I will go to Xin Jin Shan and collect much gold and take
it
back to China to repay my uncle ...
GEORGE For being so kind as to sell you as a slave in a whore house.
CHERIE ... buy rich land and bring much honour to my family.
GEORGE All this after earning a fortune in gold working on your
back.
CHERIE I am very strong.
GEORGE KICKING HER AWAY FROM HIS FEET. I can see that. Listen.
You will not get to the mountain of gold because there is no
mountain with gold to be had for the picking up. SHE MOVES
TO MASSAGE HIS OTHER FOOT. No! get off. I'd rather walk
twenty miles over rocks. You'll walk fifteen days to get there and
you'll carry everything you're going to eat for the next three
months. There are savages out there who will wait until your
back is turned and they'll kill you and eat you.
CHERIE They did not eat you.
GEORGE Because I am old and tough and salty and I carry two guns.
You they'll love. They'll crack your bones and suck the marrow.
CHERIE There are no such barbarians.
GEORGE Try then and see you stupid girl. Where will you get money to
buy your food huh? A pick, shovel, pan.
CHERIE I am a two ounce girl and a present may-be. I will work very
hard.
GEORGE You argue like a wife and bruise my feet. You could look at
the
sky night and day for a week and still not earn enough for a
dipper of flour. GEORGE GOES TO HIS PACK AND PULLS
OUT A PICKLE BOTTLE THREE PARTS FULL OF ALLUVIAL
GOLD. Come here. HE PUTS IT IN HER HANDS. From the
new mountain of gold.
CHERIE It is very heavy.
GEORGE But not two hundred ounces. HE TAKES IT BACK. Open your
hand HE SPRINKLES ABOUT A TEASPOON FULL INTO HER
OPEN PALM. Two ounce girl. CHERIE STANDS LOOKING AT
THE GOLD IN HER HAND. A present may-be.
CHERIE With this I can buy ...
GEORGE Not much. HE PRODUCES AN EMPTY PICKLE BOTTLE
AND HANDS IT TO HER. It's a start to your own collection.
CHERIE In my village such a bottle would buy a house and very rich
land.
I would be the most famous bottle aunty and tell wonderful
stories about the mountain of gold.
GEORGE The first bottle for Kate. The next for bottle aunty.
CHERIE Ah ... PAUSE ... You have many such bottles? In your village
you are very famous with much land and wife and children and
house and very much honour?
GEORGE I have many such bottles. HE TAKES THE BOTTLE AND UP
-ENDS IT SCATTERING THE GOLD ALL OVER THE ROOM.
HE LAUGHS. Kate will think the angels have been here with us
all night unless you pick it up first.
CHERIE STANDS UNDECIDED. Tomorrow I'm going back to
the Palmer, your mountain of gold, and I'll fill many more. I'm
going to bed. If you work all through the night you could fill
that bottle again, then you could buy food, and a pan and I will take
you to where you can fill your own bottle.
CHERIE I must first give Miss Kate ...
GEORGE You'll give Miss Kate nothing. I'll give miss Kate the back of
my hand.
CHERIE It will bring great shame to my family if I do not honour my
uncle's debt.
GEORGE You'll be dead before you half fill Kate's bottle and she'll
have two more like you.
CHERIE I will not die easily. I am very strong.
GEORGE The grog'll poison you, Kate'll kick you in the belly if you
get
pregnant, a drunk'll mistake you for a banshee and bury a pick
in your head or, if it's natural causes you want, the next wet's
fever will see you planted. No famous bottle aunty.
CHERIE I must come to bed with you.
GEORGE My feet won't stand it. Pick up your gold.
[end of extract]
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