Out Among the Dragons

This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent

Characters

Patrick: Twenty-something, HIV Positive
Hemophiliac.

Joe: Twenty-something, HIV Positive gay
teacher.

Marie: Twenty-something, HIV Positive
waitress.

Helen: Fifty-something, mother of Patrick

Therapist 1 Joe’s therapist, male, played by the same
actor that plays Coach Riley, the Waiter and Fallon

Therapist 2 Patrick’s therapist, female, played by the
same actress that plays Trudi and Arlene.

Trudi: Forty-something, best friend of
Helen.

Coach Riley: Forty-something, high school coach.

Arlene: Fifty-something, infectious disease nurse.

Fallon: Fifty-something, Joe’s father.

Waiter: Forty-something.

Act I
Scene 1

SETTING: Three areas are suggested: two separate therapists’ offices and the
diner/restaurant of the Sheraton Hotel, July 1995.

AT RISE: JOE’S therapist is a man, THERAPIST #1, PATRICK’S is a
woman, THERAPIST #2. Much of the therapists’ dialogue is to
both of them. PATRICK wears sweats, JOE wears a suede jacket.
They’ve been sitting in silence for a while. MARIE, an extremely
unhappy waitress, waits on a HELEN, PATRICK’S mom, who
already has a glass of white wine for lunch.

HELEN(Putting out a cigarette. Talking to MARIE)
I’m a bad person, I wasn’t sure if this was a smoking section. Sneaking a quick one
before Trudi gets here. Isn’t President Clinton staying at this hotel during the convention
next year? When he runs for re-election? (MARIE doesn’t respond) Let’s not talk politics.
Could I have a glass of water with a straw? Thank you so much.

(MARIE exits. HELEN sips her wine and stares off.)

PATRICK
Fitzie called. Every time he gets lucky with a girl, he calls it “having a snack,” he HAS to
tell me about it. Apparently, a receptionist at work pushed him into a supply closet and
gave him a blow job.

THERAPIST 2
You know, there’s a chance he might not be telling/

PATRICK
/I know, I know…

JOE
Cold for July, typical.
(Referring to his jacket.)
Suede, pretty nice don’t you think?

(THERAPIST #1 swipes at his nose. This makes Joe swipe at his nose.)
Is something hanging out of my nose?

(THERAPIST #1 shakes his head no.)
My last therapy session. Last chance to fix my brain. Speak now or forever hold your
peace.

THERAPIST 1 & 2
Tell me something random about your life.

PATRICK
My counselor from Hemophilia camp died.

THERAPIST 1
Anything…

JOE
I’m going to be a guest on Oprah.

THERAPIST 1
You are? When?

JOE
I don’t know.

PATRICK
His nickname was Captain Hemo. He was fearless, lived life to the fullest.

JOE
I just know I’ll be on Oprah.

PATRICK
Even though he got sick, he still got married, went to law school.

THERAPIST 1 & 2
Any dreams lately?

THERAPIST 2
Anything kinky?

PATRICK
Actually…

PATRICK JOE
Yeah. Yeah.

JOE
I dreamt it was now, 1995, and I was elected the 7th gay president.

PATRICK
I dreamt I was having sex with the couch in our living room.

JOE
I’ve been killing myself trying to figure out who the other six were.

PATRICK
Not on it, with it.

JOE
Reagan, Bush…

PATRICK
It is a comfortable couch. But shouldn’t someone else be there?

JOE
But who are the other four?

(MARIE enters carrying ice water with a straw.)

HELEN
I am such a pain. Would it be possible to have it without the ice? (MARIE turns around
and exits. HELEN continues to drink wine.) Thank you!

THERAPIST 1
With the time we have left, let’s review…

THERAPIST 2
Let’s talk about…

THERAPIST 1 & 2
what brought you to therapy?

PATRICK JOE
Are you kidding? Are you kidding?

PATRICK
I’m not feeling very therapeutic.

JOE
This is my last session.

THERAPIST 1
Humor me.

THERAPIST 2
You’re paying me a lot of money to sit here in silence.

PATRICK
My mother is paying you.

THERAPIST 1& 2
Make it a short list.

THERAPIST 2
Pretty please...

PATRICK (Like a teenager) JOE (Like a teenager)
Oh god…being HIV positive. Oh god…being HIV positive.

JOE (Flippantly)
Being a homo.

PATRICK (Flippantly)
Being a hemo.

THERAPIST 1& 2
The loss of a parent?

PATRICK (Happily)
My favorite excuse.

JOE (Jokingly with a light Irish accent)
Me poor Irish mother who worked at the shelter.

THERAPIST 1& 2
Other things, feelings....

THERAPIST 2 (Playfully)
I know you have feelings.

PATRICK JOE
You know me, I get so… You know me, I get so…

JOE
Angry!

PATRICK
Self-conscious.

THERAPIST 1& 2
Like?

PATRICK JOE
Like, sometimes when I walk… Like, sometimes when I walk…

JOE
my pill box rattles.

PATRICK
my ankle braces squeak.

JOE
This woman kept asking me for a Tic Tac!

PATRICK (Lifts pant leg to show his ankle braces)
All through my last job interview.

JOE(Impersonating Woman)
Do you have a Tic Tac? I totally need a Tic Tac!

PATRICK
Walk over to shake hands. (PATRICK makes high-pitched squeak sounds.)
Walk back to my chair. (PATRICK makes high-pitched squeak sounds.)

JOE (Holding up his pill box)
I said: No! It’s AZT! Want some?!

PATRICK
It sounded like a mouse…farting.

(MARIE enters with water, no ice.)

HELEN
Thank you. I have another crazy request. I’m on this diet where I’m supposed to drink
twelve glasses of water a day at room temperature. I know. Could I get just a slice of
lemon? (MARIE exits with the water.) Sorry! We’re big tippers!

THERAPIST 1& 2 (Taking notes)
Ok…Are you sleeping?

JOE
Never heard of it.

PATRICK
Twelve hours a night.

THERAPIST 1& 2
Eating?

PATRICK
I’ve been eating too much.

JOE
Martinis.

PATRICK
Now I just nap when I’m hungry. Works beautifully.

THERAPIST 1& 2
Terrific.

THERAPIST 1
Thanks for working with me.

THERAPIST 2
C’mon, what else brought you to therapy?

PATRICK
Don’t like hanging out with my friends.

JOE
Drove my friends away.

PATRICK
I need to do something constructive with my brain! I do have a degree. (Mock happy)
And let’s not forget Pain!

JOE (Mock Delighted)
Sickness!!

PATRICK (Mock_Thrilled)
Suffering!!!

PATRICK (Mock_Euphoric) JOE (Mock Euphoric)
Death!!!! Death!!!!

PATRICK
This is fun.

JOE
I’m going to miss therapy.

THERAPIST 1& 2
You need to remember what you deal with.

(JOE and PATRICK nod. MARIE enters with water with lemon but no straw.)

HELEN
You’re a life-saver. Didn’t there used to be a straw?

(MARIE grabs the water and exits.)

THERAPIST 1 & 2
You were going to try to meet people.

THERAPIST 1
Any progress?

JOE
I met someone who works at an AIDS organization. We talked.

PATRICK
I keep going to clinic on Tuesdays to see that girl.

THERAPIST 1& 2
Great! How was the conversation?

PATRICK
I didn’t talk to her!

JOE
She liked my ideas but said funding them would be tough.

THERAPIST 1& 2
What is your gut telling you?

JOE
I can do it. I was raised to be successful.

PATRICK
I wonder how she got it?

JOE
And I was taught true success only comes through helping others.

PATRICK
Maybe from an operation?

JOE
“Be a Man for Others.” My dad’s motto. I don’t care, I can still use it.

PATRICK
Maybe from a boyfriend?

JOE
And if I get down, I have that cognitive interruption thing you taught me.

PATRICK
I saw her when I went to clinic on Tuesday once.

JOE
Me and Mom at the beach; get to a better place.

PATRICK
Hemos go on Thursday, they separate us from everybody else.

JOE
People like my ideas, I just need to find a way to fund them.

PATRICK
On Tuesday, the guys look, you know, gay.

JOE
There’s a ton of money at the high school I teach at.

PATRICK
I don’t want her to think I’m gay, or a heroin addict.

JOE
Lots of fundraising.

PATRICK
Who wants to date a heroin addict?… I need a job.

JOE
I need to ingratiate myself, tap those resources for my project. Speaking of which, it’s
time to write your last check.

(While PATRICK talks, JOE searches for his checkbook. Finds it, writes out a check.)

PATRICK
All I do is lie around, think about sex and eat Fritos. Any commercial with an attractive
woman totally turns me on. Dishwasher detergent, Glade, paper towels.. It’s kind of
weird when I see my mom clean now. Am I becoming a pervert?

THERAPIST 2
Wanting to have sex is a good thing; it’s healthy.

PATRICK
It can’t be healthy to masturbate three times a day.

JOE (Shaking his pen vigorously)
My pen ran out.

THERAPIST 2
Why not?

PATRICK
Wow, you’re good at your job. Because it hurts my elbows.

THERAPIST 1
Here, use this one.

(Hands JOE a pen.)

THERAPIST 2
Buy something from a sex store or catalog.

PATRICK
Wow, you are really good at your job.

JOE
Wow, nice pen.

THERAPIST 2
Is Trudi still leaving Playboys behind the furnace like your dad used to?

PATRICK
Yeah.

THERAPIST 2
I love Trudi.

PATRICK
She’s nuts…A regular girl wouldn’t have sex with me. It has to be a girl who’s got HIV.
The girl at the clinic needs to know I have Hemophilia…and that I’m normal. (Pause)
Well, you know, sort of normal.

THERAPIST 2
You can find a way to tell her that.

PATRICK
Excuse me, I’m a bleeder, do you have a Band-aid?

JOE(Offers it back)
Here.

THERAPIST 1
Keep it.

JOE
Thanks. It’s not because you feel sorry for me?

(THERAPIST 2 shakes his head no. PATRICK looks at his watch)

THERAPIST 2
Almost time for your show?

PATRICK
Yeah, I gotta go. Today might be a big ALL MY CHILDREN. Natalie might get out of
the well. Her evil twin, Janet, put her there so she could steal Natalie’s husband. Let me
get you your check. If I can find it...

(PATRICK starts to look for the check. Searches everywhere in his back pack.)

THERAPIST 1
You’re welcome back any time. Check in next year. I always keep a light schedule in
March, you know, so I can enjoy Lent.

JOE
Don’t worry. I won’t go into “Superbowl party mode” like when Mom died. I don’t want
to be just another angry gay man. I want to contribute. Because let’s face it, I have no
excuse for getting HIV.

THERAPIST 1
Except that you’re human.

JOE
I’m smarter than that and I was raised better. I need to leave a legacy Mom would be
proud of.

(MARIE enters with ice water with lemon and a straw.)

HELEN
You’re brave to come back. I’ll order for Trudi and me so we’ll be out of your hair. She
sometimes runs over at her plastic surgeons. Shh. Just let me check a couple weight
watcher points.

(HELEN continues to read the menu. MARIE just stands there.)

PATRICK (Pulling out the check)
Ha! Found it.

(PATRICK and JOE hand over their checks.)
JOE
Can you not cash this until the 15th? Then cash it as soon as the bank opens.

(Pause)

PATRICK JOE
Sometimes I’m surprised… Sometimes I’m surprised…

PATRICK
that I’m still around.

JOE
that I’m not dead.

PATRICK JOE
I wonder how many months I have left. I wonder how many months I have left.

THERAPIST 1& 2
Think positively.

JOE
I’m going to change the lives of people with AIDS.

PATRICK
I’m going to get laid.

PATRICK JOE
It’s going to happen. It’s not going to happen.

HELEN
Is there a “heart healthy” section? (MARIE points to a different page in the menu.) Thank
you, almost ready.

JOE
I have to ask…Are you gay?

THERAPIST 1
Do you want me to be gay?

PATRICK
I’m going to cruise the clinic Tuesday …Pray to St. Jude

JOE
I pay you $90.00 an hour, so as far as I’m concerned, you’re gay.

(They get up to leave.)

THERAPIST 2
St. Jude?

THERAPIST 1
I’m proud of you, Joe.

PATRICK
Patron Saint of hopeless causes. I gave you an extra five bucks for letting me flirt.

JOE
Keep your eye on Oprah.

PATRICK
See you next week.

(PATRICK and JOE exit.)

HELEN
Ok. Quickly, I would love another glass of wine. And can we have two…(Looking at her
water.) Oh, what’s that?

(MARIE sticks her hand in the glass of water. Takes something out. Examines it.)

MARIE
It’s part of the lemon. (Realizing what she’s done) Crap! (MARIE exits with the glass of
water. End of Scene.)

(End of scene)

[End of Extract]