Me, Myself & Moscato by Dana Hall

This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent

Scene Opens with the sound of Steph humming to herself clicking away at the computer

Steph
Alright, well I’m not getting any younger let’s give this a try. The email says to log into zoom…check…I have my two exes Tommy and Doug in the virtual waiting room, (to screen) Hey boys- sit tight and try not to embarrass me ok (snaps and points)…oh hey look at that they even sent a list of questions for me to ask my date- ok great super helpful…now we just wait for him to sign on…

Long pause then realizes

Omg can I get stood up on here? Is that a thing? (sips from wine glass) Oh, look who it is – Mark. Ok. Ok be cool. (Excited, fixed blouse, puts on lipstick in camera) Here we go!

She leaves Mark In

Mark
(She is the opposite of “his type” not thrilled. Mark is in a tank top. He may be snacking or drinking some water casually, he is calm and relaxed. )
Oh. Hi. I’m Mark. What’s up.

Steph
Hey. (Pause) I’m Stephanie, but people call me Steph. So, it’s nice to see you.

Mark
Yah, well the app said we “sparked” and gave me this link. So here I am...

Steph
The computer knows best- maybe it figured out something we didn’t--

Mark
So, this is dating now.

Steph
Yah, at least we don’t have to sit at a stuffy restaurant and pretend we eat salads.

Mark
Is that a glass of wine?

Steph
It’s not, NOT a glass of wine…

Mark
Nervous huh?

Steph
(she is very nervous)
Maybe just a bit. Do you do this often you seem so calm--

Mark
Nah, I just hit the gym before I got on.

Steph
I can tell…(realizing she has been caught checking him out). I mean because you’re wearing gym clothes not that I was staring at your arms or anything- not that there’s anything wrong with your arms it’s just I wasn’t looking at them…(trying to save herself) so any way you said you were at the gym… ?

Mark
Yeah sorry, I was running late. I didn’t get a chance to make it home and change. (shows off muscles as if he isn’t trying to do so)

Steph
No worries just glad you’re here-well not here -here- but virtually here--

Mark
Yeah, had to get in a few reps, can’t skip leg day…(realizing)—you probably don’t care, I don’t know why I’m even talking about it. I never know what to say on first dates.

Steph
No, no it’s fine. Lots of people go to the gym, well not me but it is a thing people do.(sipping her wine)
Long awkward pause.

Mark
Maybe we should start over?

Steph
(relieved)Yah. I’d like that…

Mark
Great - so, tell me about yourself.

Steph
Oh, okay… Well, I’m Steph - obviously, we covered that... Uhh let’s see… what else, what else... (says in a goofy voice) I like long romantic walks on the beach at sunset--

Mark
You do?

Steph
No. Not really-But isn’t that what people say? I mean, I guess I don’t NOT like walks on the beach.

[End of Extract]

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