Google the Giraffe by Terri Stirling & Peter Schneider
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This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent
Scene 1
(A farmhouse kitchen with MUM and DAUGHTER.
MUM busy with some rather unusual craft, e.g. she could be making
pillows from raw sheep's wool.
DAUGHTER busy at computer.
Soup/stew on the cooker.
Electric kettle boiling.)
MUM: Are you dating your boys again on the internet?
(DAUGHTER doesn't listen)
MUM: You should be careful with that. You never know who might be a
serial killer.
DAUGHTER: Look, mum, what I found! They are selling baby animals here.
Look at the little tiger, isn't he cute?
MUM: You are not buying a tiger, I hope. He would be not so cute after
another few weeks!
SON (enters, home from work, tired): Hi, how is it going?
MUM: Martin, how was your day?
SON: Ah, alright. That new boss is a bit of a pain.
MUM: Yeah, I heard that before.
SON: How is that cow?
MUM: Not great now. She has a problem getting the calf out.
SON: This is not our lucky year.
MUM: Dad is with her now. Perhaps he needs you to give a hand.
SON(sighs): Ok. But I need a cup of tay first, is the kettle boiled?
MUM: It is indeed.
(MUM poures tea while son puts on his overall. When he sits down, DAD
enters.)
DAD: We wouldn't get that calf out. It's lying the wrong way 'round. I
cannot get the feet at all.
SON: Shall we call the vet so?
DAD: And pay him another 100 Euro for coming out?
MUM: It's still better than loosing the calf. Or even the cow.
DAD: That's right. Let's call him so.
MUM (rings VET): Hello, it's Mc Gilligans here. I wonder, would you
have a chance to come out this evening for a cow? - - Well, the feet
don't show. - - That's grand, we'll see you then. (to DAD) 20 minutes,
he says.
Shall we have some soup while we are waiting?
SON: Sure, why not.
(MUM serves soup)
DAD (after first spoonful, pointing at bowl): This is the best part
of the day.
MUM (to DAUGHTER): Deirdre, will you leave your computer for a moment
and join us here?
DAUGHTER: I'll be with you in a second. (Hastily clicking with the
mouse, then joins the rest at the table.)
DAD: Sometimes I feel like giving up farming altogether. You work from
early 'til late, and you are not getting anywhere. So far, one calf is
all we have got this year. The ram was infertile, the second calf was
dead, and god only knows if this one will make it.
SON: But prices are high this year.
DAD: What is that good for, if we have nothing to sell!
MUM: May be we should get different animals. What about red deer?
DAD: RED DEER! Do you remember what happened to Mickey Flanagan,
across the hill? First he spent a fortune on fencing, and then he
couldn't sell them at all. Nobody is buying venison. In the end, he
had to kill the lot for nothing.
DAUGHTER: But they would look dead cool on the hill.
DAD: Yeah, dead and cool is how they ended up. Any more bright
suggestions from my daughter?
DAUGHTER: What about goats? They can also do the hedgecutting!
SON (smiling): Not a bad idea. But they'll do the sides only. They
wouldn't reach the top of the hedge.
MUM: I can tell you one thing. As long as I have a garden here, there
will be no goats on this farm!
SON: I wonder could we not do this open farm thing - you know, where
people can see how a farm works. And school classes come, and they can
feed a pet lamb…
DAUGHTER: Yes!
DAD: Hmm. And how do we know that will work? Aren't there too many
doing it already?
SON: We can find out.
DAUGHTER: You know what? We need an open farm with different
animals!
SON: You may be right there. Half of the kids around here see cattle
and sheep every day. When they have their day out with the school,
they don't want to see cattle and sheep and sheep and cattle again.
DAUGHTER: Indeed, we could have Kangaroos, and Zebras, and Elephants
- more like a zoo.
DAD (dramatic): My god - my farm becoming a zoo! Your grandfather
would turn in his grave if he heard that.
[end of extract]
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