Ghosts in the Garden by Brian Grant
ACT ONE:
Freddy walks on stage then stops to call to his wife who is off stage
FREDDY:
I'm going to sit in the garden, read the paper and drink my tea
darling!
Freddy then settles in the garden chair with his cup of tea at a
table reading the times newspaper, now and again stopping to seemingly
stare into space as if thinking with a troubled mind; he suddenly
throws his paper down onto the garden table in total exasperation
Then sits—-again—-staring into space
FREDDY: (to himself)
If I was only like Athelstan King Alfred's son, he really did make
good ideas turn into fruition, I was always an admirer of that man;
ever since I read about him in my school days.
Suddenly a person enters stage right, dressed as if he belongs to the
ancient year of 938, behind him trails another character with long
yellow curly hair down his back, wings on his heels of silver shoes, a
long flowing red cloak over white trouser; they plonk themselves down
on a garden seat opposite to Freddy. Freddy sits amazed at their
sudden appearance, not understanding from where these characters came
from, it is almost a comic situation, for the two newcomers are
staring at Freddy as he sits, it is Freddy who speaks first, he
speaks in a very sarcastic demanding tone of voice,
FREDDY:
Who the hell are you? What are you doing here in my garden, and
where are you both from? That's if you don't mind me asking?
Athelstan looks down and then looks up to speak in a slow deliberate
way to Freddy
ATHELSTAN:
You may not realise this but you mentioned my name in a way that
reflected desperation, you also gave the impression you needed my
assistance; that is why I am here, obviously I was wrong, so perhaps
my friend and I ought to go.
The two newcomers stand to leave, at this Freddy leaps to his feet to
speak
FREDDY:
Please wait—- who are you? Who are you?——You seemed to have
appeared from nowhere! I just would like to know why you are here and
what you intend doing?
Politely bowing his head as he introduces himself, Athelstan speaks
slowly in a deliberate slightly arrogant manner
ATHELSTAN:
My name is Athelstan——I am King Alfred's son, my friend here is
Apollo an unemployed Greek God, You may have heard of him! We came
here to help you with your problems. the way your mind is working
you seem to be a little deranged, overcome by business problems,
unable to make any firm decisions WeThat is Apollo and I put
your problems down to inexperience. Which we thought needs our
assistance to help correct the difficult situation you are struggling
with.
Freddy on hearing these words is stunned shaking his head, and then it
is his turn to throw questions at the two whom he obviously thinks are
weird interlopers in his life
FREDDY: points at the pair as he speaks to Apollo
What do you mean you are an unemployed Greek God? What the hell does
that mean?
Apollo is slow to answer rubbing his chin as he does so
APOLLO:
Surely you know the answer to that, I take it that you are aware of
the Christian take over in those past years, during those years I
became unemployed; I'm lucky——- the angels gave me a lot of
assistance allowing me to keep a trifling amount of my former powers,
otherwise I would never be able to exist! Wherever we go now, we have
to let the angels know of our endeavours' and purpose. So if we get
ourselves into trouble they can get us out of it, on reflection you
really are in steadfast company.
ATHELSTAN:
As for me, I came along with Apollo as a matter of interest.
Freddie stands quiet for several seconds only shaking his head in
disbelief at the explanation he is hearing:
FREDDY:
Tell me do you stand in the unemployed queue or is the dole money sent
by angel's post. At this Freddy bursts out laughing speaking
through his laughter:
FREDDY:
Do you really believe in these angels?
Apollo points at Freddy angered by his words
APOLLO:
You may well laugh! Fortunately as I have already made it quite clear,
I still have many of my powers to stop the tongues of fools like you!
Apollo reaches out his arm to point a finger at Freddy then slowly
raises it to the heavens, as he does so the crash of heavy thunder is
heard. Freddy then holds up the palm of his hand as if to protect
himself from the powers of this character standing before him,
speaking as he does so,
FREDDY:
I believe you, please—I now believe you, forgive me for my rudeness.
You must realise if I tell anybody about this conversation they will
send me away to the funny farm! Let's face it just looking at you
two with the story you are relating is enough for me to be certified.
ATHELSTAN:
I'm not sure what you really mean by this term 'funny farm',
although I have a good idea, I also understand your jocularity
concerning us and our appearance. Of course I believe in angels, we
talk to them every day, but you must remember this conversation is not
to be repeated to anybody else only us.
Freddy who is now rubbing his chin as he speaks
FREDDY:
Okay—okay you win—you win, I accept this whole affair must be a
secret. It's just as well for I will never be able to
convince anybody that this banter is for real.
APOLLO:
That is the whole point of our visit, earlier when we spoke of your
companions within your firm, you were so confident of their truthful
validity; your junior partner and your wife, now that is a friendship
that would frighten the Devil himself.
Freddy speaks with arrogance possibly sneering at the thought of
hearing these words from Apollo.
FREDDY:
I wish you would not speak in so many riddles, just tell me if you
know of any problems in my business he may be causing—- if there are
any, I am certainly unaware of it.
He speaks these last few words with total arrogance as if daring them
to find any problems
At this point Apollo turns to smile weakly at Athelstan, and then
stands silent for several seconds staring at Freddy, as he loads a
verbal gun to fire at Freddy.
While Athelstan after letting several seconds' tick away looks away
from Apollo then turns to address Freddy
ATHELSTAN:
Freddy may I ask two questions? One is how well do you know your
staff? Two—how are you sales at the moment?
Now Freddy again puffs his chest out in absolute indignation as he
speaks.
Why do you ask such a question, I have worked with most of my
employees since I first started the business; I know their lives
almost intimately, how much better do I need to know them? As for my
sales, well they are down this month, but I'm sure they will pick up
later in the year.
ATHELSTAN: Struts about the stage as he speaks
I do know success always grows seeds of doubt appertaining to one's
fellow business supporters. Especially when success allows one to
climb so high, it is very difficult to see what intricate internal
political schemes are being woven so far below. I do speak with
experience of this matter; after listening to the jealous words of a
so called faithful servant, I did have my brother's head chopped
off.
Apollo speaks after nodding his head vehemently agreeing with
Athelstan.
APOLLO:
I have tasted the violence of war many many times, during that process
I have learnt that if you wish to maintain your stature in a
successful life you must never trust anyone. Always remember to
fortify your self mentally and physically, that way you are prepared
for the loneliness and treachery that success sometimes unexpectedly
delivers to your feet.
Freddy stands shaking his head at the conclusions being explained to
him. He answers in resentment at these observations
FREDDY:
All that dialogue is a bit strong, I'm not in business to create an
empire and I certainly don't want to chop my brother's head off. I
understand the serious nature of your words while I at the moment do
not understand why you bring forward such verbal illustrations to an
every day civilised business; especially when they are not in
reference to any situations occurring under my nose at this time.
APOLLO:
Do you remember who you invited to attend your dinner held at your
house last Wednesday? If you do, can you recall whose company your
brother was in that whole evening, Harry your best friend and your
wife? Also can you remember the closing words the chairman of the
company that is your largest customer made to you Freddy? At the time
those words did hit you like a mallet hitting a bell; admittedly you
were a little drunk however the words still surprised you! If you
think hard enough they will again.
Athelstan moves to stand almost opposite Apollo but behind Freddy,
shaking his head as if knowing exactly what he is going to say and
Athelstan does not want him to say it. Apollo Looks at Freddy as he
answers him in a very loud defining voice, as if it is a warning,
APOLLO:
Although I will advise you not to think too hard it might spoil your
nights sleep.
Freddy, please come and stand with us behind the bushes, just for a
moment right now!
Apollo with Athelstan and Freddy stand behind the bush in the garden.
Enter stage left Harry's best friend and business partner, Harry has
Vanessa Freddy's wife with him they chat together as they enter.
HARRY:
Do you know where Freddy is right now Vanessa?
VANESSA:
I'm sure he has returned to his office at the factory; he cannot
understand why the orders he usually receives are not arriving!
HARRY:
I think I had better return to make sure I have covered our tracks in
a precise manner, the last thing we want is for Freddy to find out we
are cheating!
VANESSA:
Oh please Harry I thought we could have the afternoon in bed as we
normally do making love darling.
Harry kisses Vanessa passionately before he answers
HARRY:
I would love to darling but duty calls.
Vanessa and Harry leave the stage in a hurry.
Freddy and the two ghosts come out from behind the bush; Freddy is
outraged and moves as if he going to catch up with Harry but is
stopped by Apollo.
APOLLO:
Where do you think you are going Freddy? Not I hope in pursuit of
Harry to commit some futile violent act."
Freddy turns to stare at Apollo answering in a very aggressive tone.
FREDDY:
Oh no of course I'm not, I am going to kill him first and then her.
The two ghosts are unable to stop Freddy and they stand and watch him
move briskly off stage. Athelstan makes an obvious comment.
ATHELSTAN:
I have to say Apollo old friend we have made a bit of a mess of that!
A scruffy elderly lady saunters on stage, (an Angel) then stops to
stand and stare at the two of them, she then folds her arms, to just
stand and stare at them for several seconds before she speaks
ANGEL:
Well my friends you made a total mess of that, will you two please in
future stay away from trying to patch up other people's lives,
because you are both useless at it. I suppose we will on your behalf
have to put it right.
The angel walks off stage as Athelstan comments when she has gone.
ATHELSTAN:
I think I'm going to make my self scarce before she returns.
Athelstan walks off the stage while Apollo looking very dejected and
walks over to the seat in the garden to make himself comfortable
Apollo is sitting in Freddy's garden at the table alone with his
head in his hands, when a very pretty young lady strolls onto the
stage into the garden. She is called Julia; it is Freddy's daughter,
at first she does not notice Apollo. When she does, she stops and
stares amazed at the image that meets her eyes, Apollo is also aware
of her amazement at the sight of him and of course slightly
embarrassed, she speaks first
JULIA:
May I ask who you are? I mean—are you a friend of my father's?
APOLLO:
You could say that pretty lady.
JULIA:
Why are you dressed like that?
APOLLO:
Before I answer that, may I ask you a question?" She in response
stares at Apollo for several seconds before answering
JULIA:
Well of course, go ahead.
APOLLO:
Can you see me clearly?
Apollo asks this question with a quizzical look on his face, these
words also bring a smile to the face of Julia, as she answers,
JULIA:
Of course I can, there is nothing wrong with my eyesight. It's my
turn now to ask you a few questions, why are you dressed like that and
why have you got those stupid wings on your heals. Are you going to a
fancy dress ball or some other event that demands such ridiculous
apparel?
Now this really does start to annoy Apollo, he addresses the audience
APOLLO:
I suppose I have no other option but to explain myself.
Julia is starting to enjoy this conversation and again sports a big
smile; she also folds her arms across her chest adopting an arrogant
attitude, as she prepares to hear the expected ridiculous explanation
APOLLO:
My name is Apollo; I am an unemployed Greek God, I came here to help
an individual who asked for our assistance. So far the going has been
rather tough.
Julia cannot believe this story and falls about laughing repeating the
words 'Unemployed Greek God' giggling as young girls do as she
answers
JULIA:
Please tell me is there more of this? Because if there is I want to
hear it, I really would like to know who writes your script. Please
carry on I would like to hear more.
Apollo by this time is really feeling as if his feelings are badly
damaged and is really embarrassed, also is incensed by the ridicule he
is receiving,
APOLLO:
I was a working powerful God prior to the appearance and intrusion of
the Christians who run the after life now, but I must warn you, the
Christian Angels' left me with certain powers to protect me from
fools such as you
At this Apollo lifts his arm to point his finger at Julia, she stands
frozen in time and space with her mouth wide open with her head
slightly tilted back caught in the motion of speaking, Apollo walks
around her as he speaks
APOLLO:
You see I was once the God of war, who ruled heaven and earth, all
people came to me holding my name in fear and respect. No silly young
women ridiculed my words or my powers; I will forgive you this time
because I think you are a nice lady, you are just somebody who does
not understand the ways of our life!
Once again Apollo lifts his arm to point his finger at Julia, only
this time there is a roll of thunder; for then she is able to move,
throwing her head back screaming the words from her mouth
JULIA:
How the hell did you do that? What trick is that?
APOLLO: smiles as he speaks,
No trick, it's the power I was born with, alas the angels left me
with very little more. You see I am an unemployed Greek God, who
travels the afterlife in boredom and without love and very little
friendship! Please tell me how is it you can see me while nobody else
can, that is I mean if I don't wish them to, are you also endowed
with power from the angels?
Julia answers very slowly taken back by this question shaking her head
slowly as she answers
JULIA:
I can assure you that I know nothing of the after life you speak of,
or of any Greek Gods wherever they are, why I can see you I don't
know, but I can tell you this, Greek God or no Greek God, you
certainly are a good looking young man. If you were dressed properly I
could go for you in a big way.
APOLLO: acknowledges these flattering remarks with a little strut and
a movement of his head
What do mean properly? You mean the way that Freddy dresses?
She speaks in a slow manner, obviously thinking as she walks around
Apollo rubbing her chin weighing his body size in comparison to her
father's
JULIA:
Why yes, I could borrow one of my father's suits for you to wear;
the point is would you wear it?
APOLLO:
I'm trying to remember what your father was wearing, unfortunately
the last time I saw him he was rushing away to kill his old friend
Harry! While I was getting scorched by the Angel's tongue!
JULIA:
Oh yes, I must say my mother made mince meat of him by just telling
him that she knew all about his on going affair with the work's
secretary; that certainly stopped him in his track of self
righteousness! They at the moment are participating in personal
negotiations to amend their relationship, anyway don't worry about
them.
Julia admonishes these last few words with a wave of her hand.
APOLLO:
That's interesting, hearing that piece of news has taken a lot of
weight off my shoulders.
JULIA:
Never mind all that rubbish. I'm going to borrow one of my
father's suits and we, my unemployed 'God of War' are going to
the dance to night, come on!
Julia marches off the stage dragging Apollo by the hand. He does
protest a little but cooperates with a smile obviously enjoying the
female's attention.
The stage is empty while the lighting on stage gradually softens
reflecting the fall of evening time.
Freddy wanders onto the stage from the right to stand by the garden
seat. His hands pushed deeply into his pockets, and once again stands
deep in meditation, several seconds pass when suddenly Julia with the
Greek God Apollo enter from the left; and then Freddy is hailed by
his daughter.
JULIA: Spills out her conversation in an excited manner
Hello Daddy, how are you, is everything okay now? We have had a
wonderful evening; we danced until midnight non stop, Apollo proved to
be very popular, I had to fight off the competition. How are you with
mother now? Is the situation still the same?
Freddy answers Julia in a very none descript way, with a shrug of his
shoulders.
FREDDY:
I suppose so; she does not want a divorce only for us to be together
again.
JULIA:
That's good isn't it? You didn't really want to be alone did
you?
APOLLO:
If I was you I would consider yourself lucky to have somebody that
after all is said and done still wants you! You do not want to end up
like me, walking through all those years alone, living for no reason
good enough to stay alive.
FREDDY:
Thank you for those words Apollo. I came out here to the garden to try
and sort my life out, thanks to you I have. Where exactly have you two
been this evening, it sounds as though you enjoyed yourselves; did you
go to the local dance hall?
Freddy notices Apollo is wearing his best suit, and stares at it for
several seconds!
FREDDY:
I must say you look very good in my suit.
JULIA:
You don't mind do you Daddy? Apollo looked so good in it.
FREDDY:
No why should I mind, it is of no importance. I really am beginning to
understand what is important and what isn't.
APOLLO:
You will not be able to appreciate how much that means to me, it is
difficult to for me to understand how good you and your daughter are
to me. It is years since I have felt like this, added to that I have
fallen madly in love with Julia, it is as if a whole new life is
calling me down an avenue of complete happiness, I am so grateful.
FREDDY: Speaks with a note of sarcasm in his voice
If you don't mind me making an observation Apollo, how can you take
care of my daughter if you don't belong to this world?
APOLLO:
That's a good point.
Apollo puts his fingers to his chin while he thinks for a moment
before he answers.
APOLLO:
The only thing I can do is have a word with the Angels. They can solve
anything; also I think I will ask the rest of the Gods if you Freddy
can have eternal life, because you have been so kind to me. What do
you think of that my good friend?
As Apollo makes this promise, Freddy's wife enters stage right
addressing Freddy
VANESSA:
Did I hear your words correctly, young man? That you will give my
husband eternal life to show your gratitude towards him? Can you do
this or is this just another man's fruitless boast?
APOLLO: As he speaks he starts to swagger about the stage
The promise from me is most certainly not a hopeless boast but a
statement of fact, there is one problem though-one I had forgotten.
VANESSA:
I thought so, you remind me of a Greek boy friend I once had while on
holiday, he was full of promises unfortunately he was after only one
thing; and before you men with dirty minds misunderstand, it was only
too acquire a passage to England.
This brings a titter from the group on the stage.
APOLLO:
What is it with you Christians, everything I say you all ridicule? I
have to tell the truth, the only problem is if I give Freddy eternal
life then Persephone will take a life in exchange!
VANESSA speaks these last few words in an uncaring flamboyant manner
VANESSA:
Who may I ask is Persephone?
APOLLO:
Persephone is the Queen of the underworld, I mean the dreaded Hades.
APOLLO:
If you go along with this, Persephone can do this—then I will give
my life willingly for my Freddy to obtain eternal life.
FREDDY: Shouts at Vanessa in desperation
I wouldn't want you to do that my dear Vanessa; I would miss you too
much!
The actors freeze and
[end of extract]