Flower Duet by Maura Campbell


This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent

STEPHANIE: What are you doing?
MAX: What are you doing?
STEPHANIE: She can't farm.
MAX: No, but she can dream she can talk she can wonder.
STEPHANIE: She's drunk.
MAX: So stop drinking.
STEPHANIE:I just had a half.
MAX: It only encourages her.
STEPHANIE: I am not the problem. Turn the stove back up.
MAX: All right, all right, let's not fight.
STEPHANIE: Wow, she looks like hell.
MAX: How's your dad?
STEPHANIE: Oh, you know.
MAX: We could go and see him if you like.
STEPHANIE: I haven't seen him since the last time you were here.
He'll get the wrong idea. It doesn't matter, anyway.
MAX: Steph-
(He tries to hold her.)
STEPHANIE: I can't. Where do you suppose- I don't see her…
MAX: She's not…
They look out the window. Stephanie opens a door.
MAX: I'll look around front.
MAX:She's sitting in the car.
MAX: I've got her keys, she's just sitting there.
STEPHANIE: Why would she sit in the car?
MAX: I don't know, maybe she lost something, she'll be in.
STEPHANIE: Go get her.
MAX: Let her- Come here, put that down and come here.
STEPHANIE: There's that look.
MAX: What look?
STEPHANIE: The thing you do with your face.
MAX: I'm not looking like anything.
STEPHANIE: You make me cry.
A long silence between them. Maddie enters with another basket of
MADDIE: Oh, okay good… splash splash…
MAX: I could use a cup of coffee.
MADDIE: Oh, sorry, only tea.
MAX: Where do you?
MADDIE: In that one, jasmine, maybe Earl Grey. You two have to stop
this nonsense going living in two places. There is only one place on
god's earth for lovers and that is here in the, state of Vermont,
the Green Mountain State is for lovers. Max, I know, you should go
into business doing weddings. Remember Allison's wedding? Her nephew
had to take the pictures, she couldn't find anyone.
STEPHANIE: Max hates weddings.
MAX: No, I don't. I hate wedding receptions. I love weddings.
MADDIE: So, how was it?
STEPHANIE: Oh, you know, about what you'd expect.
MADDIE: And Terry, how did she look?
MAX: Fat.
STEPHANIE: Definitely fat.
MAX: Dumpy and fat.
MADDIE: Oh, come on, she weighs a hundred and twelve.
MAX: All in her ass.
STEPHANIE: Daisy on the other hand-
MADDIE: Don't tell me. I don't want to know. Sandy picked her up
around eight. The groom's not supposed to see the bride on his
wedding day but the ex-wife, well-
STEPHANIE: Got to be bad luck.
MADDIE: And to think I took her to my reunion. I should have poisoned
her. Stephanie, how about some more wine?
STEPHANIE: I'm good.
MADDIE: You're both very nice people to come over here like this and
eat corn with me on my husband's wedding day.
MAX: Here's some tea.
Maddie holds up a quilt.
MADDIE: Look at this gorgeous thing you made. What is this one, this
STEPHANIE: I think I picked that material up in a thrift store in
MADDIE: Oh, I hate Boston so stuffy.
(a thought occurs suddenly)
I don't hate Boston. I just said I hate Boston. Sandy hates
Boston. Well guess what Sandy, you might have divorced me,
STEPHANIE: And that flowered piece, do you remember the dress I wore
to Allison's wedding?
MADDIE: That's it?
STEPHANIE: That's a piece of it.
MADDIE: You cut up that dress just to make this quilt?
STEPHANIE: No, I cut up the dress and then thought, hey I can put it
in the quilt.
MAX: She cuts up everything.
MADDIE: You just cut things up and put them back together just like
MAX: Tell her about the kittens.
STEPHANIE: Gerry had kittens.
MADDIE: That tomcat you found?
MAX: Geraldine, now.
STEPHANIE: He was pregnant, she was pregnant. I took him to the vet to
get spayed and he was already pregnant.
MAX: Seven of them last night.
MADDIE: Seven kittens? Max hates cats.
MAX: Hate cats, love kittens.
STEPHANIE: Max delivered them.
MAX: Gerry was magnificent.
MADDIE: What are you going to do with seven kittens?
STEPHANIE: I figured you'd take one or two… or three.
MAX: Daisy would love a kitten.
MADDIE: Yes, she would.
STEPHANIE: Then it's settled.
MADDIE: Tell me about the ceremony. Did they swear to love each other
eternally and all that?
STEPHANIE: It was the usual.
MAX: I cried.
STEPHANIE: It doesn't count, he always cries. It was ordinary. They
said the vows right out of the book-
Maddie runs out of the room.
STEPHANIE: What are you telling her you cried, you are an asshole!
MAX: You're right I'm sorry I've been crying ever since Gerry
had his kittens, the miracle of life.
Maddie returns with a piece of paper.
MADDIE:(reads)What greater thing is there for two human souls than to
feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all
labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each
other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent
unspoken memories?
(sits down)George Eliot. I found it in Daisy's backpack, she had
copied it. Please tell me she didn't read it.
STEPHANIE: No one, didn't read it.
MADDIE: Promise?
Maddie looks at Max who cannot lie.
MAX: Sandy read it.
MADDIE: Stephanie, you've really got to quit fibbing, you think
you're sparing me but really you're a terrible liar.
STEPHANIE: Please don't drink any more.
MADDIE: Oh, phooey. Okay here's my big news. I'm going into rehab
in three days, three days from now I'll be in nonalcoholic
incarceration. I'm expected to drink myself into oblivion
beforehand. I went to and AA meeting and I heard all about it. God, it
was awful those people, so sincere. I hope I don't turn out like
MAX: Maddie that's-
MADDIE: Don't say it. Don't congratulate me. I'm doing it for
Daisy and don't tell me to do it for myself because I can't. I
tried that. I tried it every day for the last two years.
MAX: Daisy is a good reason.
MADDIE: How did she look in her flower girl dress?
MAX: Beautiful.
MADDIE: I didn't want to see her in it.
(Maddie breaks down a little - Max, as
usual, comforts her.)
STEPHANIE: (a bit pissed)It was yellow. Bright bright yellow.
Sleeveless and silk daisies sewn all around the hem, the neckline. And
she carried a bouquet, oh Max, it's in the bag.
(Stephanie produces the
STEPHANIE(cont.): It's for you, she said to give it to her mother,
she said it right in front of Terry and Max took pictures. I'll
email them to you so you can see so you don't have to suffer a
monotonous obsession.
MADDIE: Okay, okay.
Maddie exits again.
MAX: Now you've done it.
STEPHANIE: I don't care I gave up a Klesmer band for this and I
could be home with the kittens.
MAX: They are very, very cute.
STEPHANIE: They're not cute yet but they're going to be. I'll
send you pictures when their eyes are open.
MAX: When will that be?
STEPHANIE: A few weeks someone told me. I never had kittens before.
MAX: It's a big responsibility.
STEPHANIE: Gerry's a natural. He ate every one of the placentas and
licked those babies to life. I wouldn't have had the sense to do
that if I was a cat.
MAX: I don't believe that.
STEPHANIE: Well, believe it. It came as an absolute shock.
MAX: But I would have been there to tell you. I would have coached
STEPHANIE: Tomcats are conveniently out tomcatting when the going gets
He tries to touch her again.
STEPHANIE (cont'd): Don't do that, and stop looking like that. You
can't pull this two days before we're signing the papers and then
you fly back to North Carolina.
MAX: Actually, I'm heading to New York.
MAX: An ad agency. I've got an interview. Remember Gary?
STEPHANIE: I remember Gary.
MAX: He recommended me and it's tempting.
STEPHANIE: So is it definite?
MAX: No but…
STEPHANIE: But it probably is.
MAX: If I say yes. For some reason they want me.
STEPHANIE: Of course, they want you, because you're good. You're
very, very good. I ought to know I practically made you famous.
MAX: I was thinking maybe you could come with me.
STEPHANIE: Why in the world would I do that?
MAX: Because it would be fun.
STEPHANIE: I've had enough fun. Anyway I've got the kittens to
think of.
MAX: Right.
STEPHANIE: Say hi to Gary for me and anyway I'm seeing someone and
we have plans for the middle of the week, probably spill over into the
MAX: Really.
STEPHANIE: His name's Bill. He's a dentist. Grew up in Jericho,
now lives in Montpelier. Divorced, he's forty and he has twin boys
who are sixteen years old. He's Catholic, of all things and actually
very involved with his church but not conservative in the ways that
count, quite liberal, in fact. He sings in a rock band.
MAX: Really.
STEPHANIE: With other forty year olds. It's quite a fun group in
fact, they have a gig-
MAX: A gig?
STEPHANIE: A gig, they have a gig tomorrow night but I told him I
wouldn't be able to make it.
MAX: Just in case I want to know.
STEPHANIE: I don't ask you, it's your business.
MAX: I didn't ask you either.
STEPHANIE: No, I volunteered and frankly I don't want to know what
you're doing.
MAX: I'm not doing anything-
STEPHANIE: I don't care and I don't want to know-
MAX: Nothing no one-
STEPHANIE: La la la la la la la
MAX: I went out a couple of times.
There was this girl on Facebook but it turned out-
STEPHANIE: La la la la la la la
MAX: Cut it out and come with me-

[end of extract]


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