Character Flaws by Jennifer Josephson

This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent

MAIN CHARACTERS

LISA O'CONNOR: Fourth-year university Psychology student. Lisa is
very focused on her studies. Sometimes comes across as abrasive and
outspoken, but is very thoughtful and a genuinely nice person. Lisa is
plagued by a troubled past, which she hides with her know-it-all-ism.
Optimally, role is to be played by someone 20 to 28, but could be
older.

RYAN PETERSON: Second-year university student with an undeclared
major. Ryan is indecisive, fun and friendly, insecure and
self-conscious, well dressed and well kept. Ryan is a closet
homosexual who makes increasingly obvious references to his
homosexuality throughout the play. Optimally, role is to be played by
someone 18 to 25, but could be older.

MERCEDES PAIGE: Second-year university Marketing student. Mercedes
comes from a wealthy family. She is self-centred, fashionable and well
kept, but not as stuck-up and shallow as others perceive. Optimally,
role is to be played by someone 18 to 25, but could be older.

LESLEY SEMAN: Fourth-year university Computer Science student. Les is
quiet and reserved, socially-awkward, very tech-savvy, tries to be
friendly and outgoing, but often comes across as geekish. Optimally,
role is to be played by someone 20 to 28, but could be older.

GUNTER (OR UTA) GREENCHILD: Drama class teacher. Gunter is a
hippie-type, extremely eccentric, oblivious to reality, obsessed with
his cat Muffin, can be sharp and abrasive, and has an inflated ego.
Optimally, role is to be played by someone aged 35-60.

EXTRA CHARACTERS

Extras can be filled by either gender of any age.

IPOD EXTRA: Is only concerned about listening to the iPod and rocking
out to music.

SLACKER EXTRA: Sleeps and drinks alcohol in class. Wears grubby
clothing and pyjamas.

MONTREAL CANADIANS EXTRA (From here on out, HABS EXTRA): Love the
Habs, and wears the jersey to prove it. This Extra also loves Gunter
and thinks that he can do no wrong.

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS EXTRA (From here on out, LEAFS EXTRA): Loves the
Leafs but hates the Habs Extra. This Extra also despises Gunter, as
Gunter has failed him on three separate occasions.
 
SYNOPSIS

The entire action of the play takes place on a stage in a university
drama class.

SETTING
Spring or Fall Semester, circa 2010.


ACT ONE
Scene One: First Day of Class
Scene Two: One Week Later
Scene Three: One Week Later

ACT TWO
Scene One: Six Weeks Later
Scene Two: One Week Later
Scene Three: One Week Later

ACT THREE
One Week Later Last Day of Class


ACT One
SCENE One

(AT RISE: The stage is black and hard rock music starts to play. The
iPOD EXTRA enters, rocking out to the 'music' on her/his iPod.
Lights fade up and music fades down as she/he sits down in Seat 5.
iPOD EXTRA continues to rock out until her/his first line is spoken.
RYAN enters Stage Left and sits in Seat 2. He is followed closely
behind by HABS EXTRA and LEAFS EXTRA, each wearing their respective
team jerseys underneath a jacket. Before sitting, the two EXTRAS
remove their jackets and notice each other's jerseys.)

HABS EXTRA: So you're a Leafs fan?

LEAFS EXTRA: Yup.

HABS EXTRA: Wanna hear a joke?

LEAFS EXTRA: Not really.

HABS EXTRA: Why are the Leafs like the Titanic?

LEAFS EXTRA: (Disgruntled sigh, or some other reaction.)

HABS EXTRA: They both look good until they hit the ice! (Laughs.)

LEAFS EXTRA: (Sarcastic.) Ha. Ha.

(LEAFS EXTRA, not pleased with the joke, moves away from HABS EXTRA,
and sits in Seat 3, while HABS EXTRA sits in Seat 6. LISA enters Stage
Right, followed by SLACKER EXTRA, and seats herself in Seat 4, while
SLACKER EXTRA sits in Seat 1.)

RYAN: (To LEAFS EXTRA.) Don't worry, my dad cheers for the Leafs. I
don't really keep up with hockey, but he always gets pretty upset
when they lose, especially when they lose to Montreal.

LEAFS EXTRA: Yeah, I guess I should be used to it. I just wish I
didn't have to take this stupid class again. This professor has
failed me out of this class three times. I can't figure out why they
don't let anyone else teach this course!

LISA: (To LEAFS EXTRA.) How did you fail three times? What's wrong
with this class? Is it that bad?

LEAFS EXTRA: I'm in Film, and for some reason I have to take this
course. I work full time during the week, and I have to take it on
Saturday. And this prof is apparently the only one in the entire Drama
department who can teach it on Saturdays. And for whatever reason,
he's got some sort of issue with me.

(Everyone falls silent, as LES enters. He pulls Seat 7 and Seat 8
away from the group. He sets his laptop bag on Seat 7, sits in Seat 8,
gets out his laptop and starts nervously typing.)

LISA: (Turns back to LEAFS EXTRA.) So, is this prof a really hard
marker, or is he really strict, or why is this class so hard to pass?
Shouldn't an acting class be easy? (Getting more frantic.) I took
this class because I wanted an easy Fine Arts credit to finish my
degree!

LEAFS EXTRA: After three fails, obviously I can't figure it out.
Good luck to the both of us, I guess.

RYAN: My roommate took Drama 100 from him, and he did pretty well in
the class. He said I would have no problem with him, that's why I
took it.

LISA: (Uneasy.) Well, that's a good signI guess.

(MERCEDES enters Stage Right. She is talking on her cell phone and
proceeds to the middle of the stage.)

MERCEDES: Oh. My. God. Did you see that new Gucci dress? (SLACKER
EXTRA perks up and takes a picture of MERCEDES with his cell phone,
and shows it to RYAN.) I'm totally going to ask Daddy if he'll buy
it for me. (Beat.) No, Paris was okay, but the weather wasn't that
great this time. (Beat.) Yeah, I should probably go (Looks around
at the classroom of students staring at her.) I'm taking this acting
class. No, I need the credit. (Beat.) Yeah, gotta go, I'll tell you
about the class later. Bye. (Hangs up phone and looks at LES to move
his laptop bag. LES continues to ignore her and MERCEDES grabs Seat 9
at the back of the stage and drags it loudly to the space between Seat
6 and Seat 7. She sits down in a huff. GUNTER enters Stage Left in a
fluster with seven class syllabi. GUNTER is very gesticulate and
flamboyant. He is constantly 'talking with his hands' and moving
about the stage.)

GUNTER: Here's the syllabus. Sorry I'm late everyone. My lactose
intolerant cat Muffin got into my morning cereal again. I tried to
stop him but my mother phoned me and it was very urgent. (Laughs to
himself.) Yes, for something that makes him so sick, he'll drink it
any chance he gets. But you know, I couldn't get too mad at him. He
did just get his shots and has been grumpy towards me these past few
days. You know how cats can be in the mornings! (During this
monologue, GUNTER is handing out the syllabi to the students.
Realizing that he is one short, he yanks away the syllabus from the
LEAFS EXTRA and gives it to the SLACKER EXTRA. LISA interrupts with
her hand in the air.)

LISA: Gunter

GUNTER: (Very curt.) That's Professor Greenchild! (Back to his
relaxed voice.) Anyway, welcome to Drama 130: Introduction to Acting.
My name is Professor Gunter Greenchild, and I've been teaching here
at the university for the past seven years. I am originally from
Boston, Massachusetts and started acting in my high school drama club.
After high school, I received my acting degree at the New York School
of Performing Arts where I soon did some Off-Broadway plays. Later I
started in film. Some of you may remember me I played the bus
driver in the movie "Forrest Gump." (Waits for a reaction, to
which there is an extra long pause, until LEAFS EXTRA decides to break
the awkward silence.)

LEAFS EXTRA: Did you get to meet Tom Hanks?

GUNTER: Oh, of course I did! Very interesting man I didn't
actually talk to him, but I'll never forget the experience. After
that, I went back to school and got my teaching degree. I took the
first available teaching position and here I am. Any questions?

LISA: (Raises hand.) Professor, I have a question on the syllabus…

GUNTER: (Even curter than before.) I was getting to that! (Back to
his relaxed voice.) Let's just break down how the semester will
unfold. So every class we will start with a body or vocal warm up,
followed by some improv or skits to get the acting juices going. Then
to finish the class, everyone will split off into their assigned
groups and rehearse their year-end performance. The performance itself
will determine half of your grade, while the rest will be determined
through participation and good use of class time.

LEAFS EXTRA: So, do we have to find our own plays again there
Gunter?

GUNTER: Well obviously, since it went so poorly in the past, I will
be providing you with a script. So I thought all we would do today is
go off and introduce ourselves and get to know the people we will be
working with for the next three months.

iPOD EXTRA: (Starts singing loudly and moving to the song on his
iPod.) All the single ladies, all the single ladies! (See PRODUCTION
NOTE 1. SLACKER EXTRA wakes up, startled from the noise. iPOD EXTRA
eventually notices that the rest of the class is watching her/him and
the singing trails off.)

GUNTER: Okayno musicals for you. Let's get started then. So, I
will break up the class into two groups of four. Group One (walks
behind the chairs and picks out the four EXTRAS) will practice your
play in Room 584, which is three floors up and twelve to the left.
(EXTRAS pick up their belongings and exit Stage Left.) Group Two (the
remaining four characters), I guess you four are Group Two. You can
just use the stage here as your practice room. I'm going to make
sure the other group finds their room. You four get to know each
other, and I have big news for you when I return! (Exits Stage Left.)

LISA: (Sarcastically.) What's the big news? That this class is
cancelled? We don't have to take it anymore?

RYAN: Yeah, I'm starting to have my doubts about this class, but I
guess I need the Fine Arts credit. Well anyway, I'm Ryan Peterson.
(Leans over to shake LISA's hand.)

LISA: Yeah, my name's Lisa O'Connor. (Looks next at MERCEDES.
Curtly.) What's your name?

MERCEDES: (Texting. Briefly glances up.) Mercedes Paige.

LES: You guys can call me Les.

(Awkward pause.)

RYAN: Saturday morning class, eh?

LISA: Yeah, I wouldn't have taken this class on a Saturday if I had
the choice.

RYAN: Oh, so what are you majoring in?

LISA: I'm just finishing up my Psychology degree, but I needed the
Fine Arts credit. What about you?

RYAN: Yeah, I haven't really declared a major. I'm just picking
up classes to see what works for me, but I'm leaning towards Drama.
(Beat. To MERCEDES.) What about you Mercedes?

MERCEDES: (Still texting, not looking up.) Marketing.

LISA: (Everyone looks at LES for his response.) And you?

LES: (Nervous.) UhI'm taking CS.

MERCEDES: (Incredulous.) And what does CS stand for?

LES: Computer Science.

(RYAN and LISA exchange knowing looks. Awkward pause.)

RYAN: So, this one script is worth fifty percent of our final mark?
That's kind of insane.

LISA: Yeah, and then the rest of the mark is on participation!

RYAN: And he said our play was going to be some sort of 'big
surprise.' Like, what's he gonna do?

MERCEDES: It had better not be a Broadway musical, because I'm sooo
not a singer.

LISA: Are you kidding? Not all Broadway plays are musicals. Besides,
he couldn't force us to sing. (MERCEDES scoffs at LISA.)

LES: (Piping in awkwardly.) I like singing.

(Awkward pause.)

RYAN: Sowhat do you like to sing?

LES: Well, you knowsongs.

(RYAN and LISA exchange odd glances.)

RYAN: Oh, okay. Well if he does bring us a musical, I hope it's one
like "Rent" or "Les Mis" (Beat.) or something like that.
So, what did everyone do for their Friday night?

LISA: I put a couple hours in on my thesis.

MERCEDES: (Gets up and moves to sit between LISA and RYAN, much to
LISA's dismay.) Oh. My. God. Have you guys been to the new martini
bar downtown yet? Me and my girlfriends went last night, and it was
awesome! I got so drunk. I can't even believe I made it here.

RYAN: Oh, I heard about that place, but I haven't been yet. I was
out at the jazz club on Fifth with a couple of friends last night. It
was alright. So, were you out last night Les?

LES: Well, I had a night in, actually. I knew I had a class this
morning, so I took it easy. Did some programming for a client…

(GUNTER enters Stage Left carrying four "Love in the Time of
Slavery" scripts.)

GUNTER: Okay guys and girls, are you ready for your play?

MERCEDES: It's not a musical, is it?

GUNTER: Oh heavens, no. It's actually a romance, set in civil war
times. I'm so excited to give you this play! Here are your scripts.
(Shoves them at LISA.) You hand these out. (To ALL.) I wrote your name
on the scripts and assigned all your parts. Okay, get started!
(Scurries out, exiting Stage Left.)

LISA: (Starts handing out scripts.) RyanMercedes (Mockingly, as
she hands LES his script.) Who's Lesley Seman? (Pronounced 'Sea
Men.' Everyone laughs.)

RYAN: Really? 'Less Seman'? That's unfortunate. (Laughter.)

LES: It's actually pronounced 'Suh-Man.' (More laughter.)

LISA: (Looks at cover of the script, reading the title.) "Love in
the Time of Slavery, an Erotic Thriller?" And I play the mother
Gloria. Awesome.

MERCEDES: Well, I play the Aunt Elly, so yours isn't that bad Lisa.


LES: Oh great, I got a female part.

MERCEDES: He must have confused your name for a girl.

RYAN: Which female part did you get?

LES: I play Annette.

RYAN: Montgomery Darwin's fiancée?

LES: Yeah…

(GUNTER enters Stage Left with the questionnaire.)

RYAN: (Dejected.) I'm Montgomery… (LISA and MERCEDES laugh.)

GUNTER: Oh! So you're Montgomery! I'm so glad such a handsome,
young man got the main male part! (Closing in uncomfortably on RYAN.)
Make sure you read through the play for next class. We're out of
time for today. (Starts heading for the Stage Left exit.) See you next
week! (Starts to leave, catches himself.) Oh wait, I almost forgot.
I've got a little exercise here for you four to get to know each
other. Each of you should answer these three questions about
yourselves in your group before you head home. Here. (Shoves the
questionnaire at LISA.) You can deal with this. (Starts walking
towards the Stage Left exit again.)

LISA: Screw this, I'm leaving. I got stuff to do. (Picks up her
backpack and starts toward the Stage Right exit.)

GUNTER: And where do you think you're going little missy? This is
for participation marks you know, and by the looks of you, you'll
need all the marks you can get! (Exits Stage Left.)

LISA: (Humiliated.) Okay, we'd better do this. (Pulls pen out of
her pocket.) First question: what is your favourite stage production?
(Beat.) Well mine is Don Giovanni. I'm more into operas than plays.
(Writes answer down.) Ryan?

RYAN: Hmm, I don't know if I could pick just one favourite

LISA: (Snippy.) Well, name a few then.

RYAN: Well, there's "Cats," "Phantom of the Opera," and
"Les Mis." My parents and I have season tickets to the theatre, so
I get to see pretty much everything that comes through town.

MERCEDES: My parents dragged me to "Grease" last year. I didn't
want to go, but I ended up enjoying all the dancing. You know, I have
been dancing since I was four. (LISA makes a face.)

LES: I don't know if it counts, but I've been to "Star Wars: In
Concert." It had a live orchestra playing all the music

(Awkward Pause.)

LISA: Okay, wellquestion two: describe any previous acting
experience. Well for me, it's nothing really major. Just some
Christmas plays in elementary school.

MERCEDES: Well, I was the head cheerleader in high school, isn't
that pretty much acting?

LES: All the cheerleaders at my school were good at acting, but they
could only play ditzy blondes. (LISA laughs. MERCEDES gives LES a
dirty look.)

RYAN: I always got along with my school's cheerleaders, but I guess
every school is different. Anyway, for my acting experience, I was in
the drama club in elementary school, middle school, and all four years
of high school.

LISA: Alright. Get ready for this one, it's the final question: if
you were a sandwich, what kind of sandwich would you be? Oh god, I
don't frickin' know, a bloody clubhouse for all I care.

RYAN: (Puts his arm around MERCEDES.) I'd be a Hero Sandwich, no
doubt.

MERCEDES: (Brushes RYAN's arm away.) I wouldn't be a sandwich,
that's too much bread. I'd be a whole-wheat turkey breast wrap.

LES: Grilled cheese?

LISA: Well, that exercise was a colossal waste of time. See you next
week (Picks up her bag and storms out Stage Right.)

RYAN: Well, I guess we're done

(All gather up their things. LES exits Stage Left, MERCEDES and RYAN
exit Stage Right. Lights fade down. Music fades up.)

SCENE Two

(AT RISE: Music fades down and lights fade up on all the students
sitting in the same seats as Scene 1, except for LISA and LEAFS EXTRA
who are standing behind the row of chairs, centre stage, quietly
complaining about GUNTER. GUNTER enters dramatically Stage Left.)

GUNTER: Class time everyone, now, settle down. Everyone sit please.
(Motions to LISA and LEAFS EXTRA.) Alright, we're going to do a fun
warm-up this morning. (Just as LISA and LEAFS EXTRA sit down.)
Everyone up! Chairs to the back of the stage. (Each student grabs
their chair and pulls it to the back of the stage. They set down their
backpacks, etc.) Does anyone know what a warm-up is?

LES: It's when you warm up the body!

GUNTER: (To LES.) What's your name?

LES: It's Les.

GUNTER: You mean, Lesley? (LES nods. EXTRAS laugh at his name.)
Lesley, don't be coy! Okay, I want you to start walking around the
room. Not in a circle, not interacting with anyone. You're just
walking in your space. (Students are confused, but they follow
directions and start walking aimlessly, bumping into each other,
giving each other looks, etc.) Okay, now you are walking in the space
as if you're on your way to an interview for a job that you really
want. You're not rushing, but you don't want to be tardy.
(Students start to hurry a bit.) Now you are falling a little behind
so you pick up the pace. You're not running. (LES starts to run.
GUNTER yells sharply.) Lesley, stop running! (Beat.) Okay, now you got
a coffee and a hotdog and you're trying to eat it on the go. But
don't run into anybody because you might spill coffee on your shirt.
(Students mime eating hotdogs and drinking coffee.) Stop! Shake out
the hands shake out the feet from the knee down rotate the
shoulders forwards then backwards stretch and yawn… aaaaand
continue through the space. Now I want you to hop through the space…
jump through the space… jumping is different than hopping Lesley…
dance through the space that's not dancing Lesley…saunter
through the space. (Students barely keep up with GUNTER's sharp
changes.) Stop! Okay, now move through the space as if it was
caramels. Whatever that means to you. (Students pause, confused. Some
start eating their way through, others are wading their way through,
some swimming their way through, etc.) Now, polka dots! (Things are
getting worse for the students. Some start hopping on dots, others are
dodging them, etc.) Stop! Shake out the hands shake out the feet
from the knee down rotate the shoulders forwards then
backwards stretch and yawn. Okay, feels like we're ready to go.
Everyone get to your practice rooms. You can use the rest of the class
for working on your plays. (EXTRAS and GUNTER exit Stage Left. The
four main characters grab their scripts.)

LISA: So, did any of you actually read through this play? I don't
know why Gunter's so damn excited about it anyway.

MERCEDES: I glanced through it. It's stupid.

RYAN: Yeah, I'm just questioning some of the history in here.
It's not making a lot of sense. (Flips to a section of the script.)
Like right here, it's talking about General Patton winning the
Battle of Gettysburg.

LISA: I know. I saw something about the Alamo a few pages after
that.

MERCEDES: And it talks about Colonel Sanders commanding the troops
from Kentucky!

LES: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I tried doing a
Southern accent last night, and I couldn't get it down.

RYAN: Well, it is kinda tough. Give it a shot.

LES: (In an over-exaggerated, horrible Southern accent.) With this
new bonnet, I shall be the belle of the ball!

RYAN: Yeeeaahh, you're getting there. Just keep working on that.

(GUNTER enters Stage Left.)

GUNTER: All right you four, I'm sure you read through the entire
play last week, but unfortunately we don't have time for you to put
on the whole play this semester. So, you get to perform Act Two,
Scenes One and Two. Do you have any questions about your characters?

LES: Um, Professor, I think you gave me a girl's part.

GUNTER: Well, your name is Lesley, isn't it?

LES: Well, yes, but

GUNTER: Well, it's far too late to change now. Make it work for
you!

LES: Make it work?

GUNTER: Yes Lesley, that's called acting.

LES: So, if I make it work, will I get extra marks?

GUNTER: (Ignoring LES's comment.) Any other questions? (LISA raises
her hand. GUNTER ignores her.) None? Good. Then continue working on
it. Don't forget to think about blocking while you work on your
lines!

(Exits Stage Left.)

[end of extract]

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