Blind Date by Shayne McCreadie
This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent
Décor:
Two chairs on both sides of the stage.
Around the chairs are scattered clothes. Behind the chairs is a big mirror, a Freudian
symbol, into which the actors might gaze.
Both actors have a prop or doll.
The girl has a teddy bear, dressed as a bridegroom. The man has a doll, dressed as a
bride.
Alternatively, each of the actors could have both a doll and a teddy.
The teddy bear prop represents the male. The doll prop represents the female.
The girl and man use them like a puppeteer or ventriloquist uses puppets.
(Alternatively, additional actors might play the roles of the props.)
The GIRL and MAN walk onto the stage with their props, each staring listlessly ahead,
not looking where they are going.
In the background, wedding music.
Midway, the actors meet and notice each other for the first time. Each retreats to
his own side of the stage, not looking at each other. Neither actor realizes that
the other actor is still there.
Both are getting ready to meet someone.
GIRL (to the audience but also to herself):
Guess what? For the first time, I'm going on a blind-date!
MAN: (to the audience):
For once I'm taking a chance and going on a blind-date!
GIRL:
What could I say? I had to accept. Mutual acquaintances organized the
date, you know.
MAN:
What would you have done? My friends think I need to get out more.
GIRL:
Yeah, all my friends are couples; so when we go out together, it is
awkward for them that I am single, the fifth wheel, so to say.
MAN:
But I was already in a relationship, I meandon't think I
didn't want a relationshipbut things don't always turn out the
way you hope they will, do they?
GIRL:
As if I don't have any friends.as if a girl is not among
friends, if she's in the company of couples.
MAN:
If you've been celibate a couple of years, they select you as the
dating project of the year. “Invite him along this evening,” they
reason. “Otherwise he'll be sitting there in his house all alone.”
Well, but then I enjoy my own company. On my home PC, I recall, I once
met someone on the web, in the "chat" room.
GIRL:
In desperation, I once sought solace on the Internetsuspecting
that, no one would ever find out. What harm could it really do?
MAN:
I logged into “TMF Chatbox.”
GIRL:
I logged into “The Digital Metro.”
MAN:
And then someone logged on. She called herselfuh….
GIRL:
And then someone joined me. His name was…“Chaos: One”
MAN:
“Shirlie!” Shirlie and I set up a date, time and place to meet each
other.
GIRL:
From a name like his, I expected him to be a basketball player,
possibly a handsome Negro…
MAN:
“Shirlie”'s real name was Charles, just-turned 16. He wanted to
have some fun and give his friends a laughFunny! Don't you think?
GIRL:
He turned out to be a skinny, white boy, 26 years old, still living
in his mother's house and working from out of his bedroom
MAN:
For a whole year, I was typecast as a closet homo.
GIRL:
In his bedroom, we could sit at the computer together and chat using
Parallels' split-screen application, while his mother brought in the
teapot and cookies.
MAN:
Step aside, Gregory, Elton, Victor and Ru Paul, I'm on the market,
too, same as you.
A moment of silence, as they both reflect for an instant.
GIRL:
You finally decide to unplug the computer.
MAN:
You finally decide to turn to the pub, again.
The next scene is a monologue, where the girl carries on a
conversation between an imaginary, typical male and hsi female
pick-up. The teddy bear prop represents the male. The doll prop
represents the female. The girl uses them like a puppeteer or
ventriloquist uses puppets. (Alternatively, additional actors might
play the roles of the props.)
TEDDY:
He says: "So do you come here often? "
DOLL:
She says: "All the time, why?"
DOLL (to herself):
She says: "Terrific!"
TEDDY:
He says: "Then tell me who is that beautiful girl over there, with
those wide-saucer eyes, and cute little dimples?"
The GIRL throws the dolls aside and the MAN, grabbing them, now uses
them as his puppets. Alternatively, the man uses his own pair of
props.
TEDDY:
He says: "Can I buy you a drink?"
DOLL:
She says: "I'd like a vodka-lime, with a dash of gin and then a
passion, a Malibu juice, but not too stronga calvados, 2 Bacardi
Breezers, orange and tropical, and after a Bacardi cola, I might, just
possibly, go to bed with you. Okay?"
TEDDY:
He says: "Hah, she's talking to me?!Why, hello there!"
DOLL:
She says: “The moment you walked in the room, I could tell you were a
MAN: of distinction,” a big spender…huh?"
TEDDY:
He says: "It's noisy here. Shall we find somewhere quieter?"
DOLL:
She says: "Sure."
GIRL (picking up the doll and teddy):
I know the dialogue by heart.
TEDDY:
He says: "You come here a lot?"
DOLL:
She says: "I used to, maybe."
TEDDY:
He says: "As soon as I saw you, I said, 'Who's that fine
sistah.'”
DOLL:
She says: "You poor thing."
TEDDY:
He says: "Can I call on you?"
DOLL:
She says: "No. I don't think so."
TEDDY:
He says: "Relax. Are you afraid to let your feelings show?"
DOLL:
She says: "Not at all."
TEDDY:
He says: "Are you so sure that your world is perfectly complete
without me?"
DOLL:
She says: "Now you're annoying me. Flake off."
TEDDY:
He says: "But aren't we even friends?"
[end of extract]
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